Mr. Herr & Life Literature Treasurer, Mr. Fox, Go Shopping….

Before I say what I have to say here, I want to make it quite clear that I do not believe the bulk of conservative Anabaptists (CA) are this lacking in transparency. I certainly hope not. So, please, when I ‘tell it as it is’ in a given case, don’t apply it to every CA you have ever known, or take offence if you are CA. I hope I am calling out that which is the anomaly.

My personal experience has been mixed, But the behaviour I call out here, I have seen repeatedly in those who have offended sexually and are covering up, as well as those who knew and did nothing, and who still have no remorse for that sexual abuse, or for covering it up, as the case may be. If there is nothing to hide, there is no need for games and lack of transparency.

The next thing I want you to know is that Lamar Nolt and Earl Fox are strangers to me. I do not know them, have never met them, and have one interest here; Truth. And that doesn’t seem to be particularly forthcoming. Which, again, is reminiscent of the CAM/Jeriah Mast case. There is a predictable pattern of behaviour among those who are not forthcoming, and it is always there when something is buried, hidden and/or not taken care of. It’s why I could write a blogJanuary 17, 2020 telling people how to ask questions to confront truth. I’ve done this for 10 years.

In that blog !!Critical detail Update on Life Literature & Lamar Nolt!!, I encouraged people to ask very direct questions of Lamar Nolt. That advice was based on established patterns I’ve observed in other cases of ‘technical truth-or-lie-telling’. When responses are such as Lamar’s were, that’s a pretty good sign they don’t want to tell what really happened.

Various people who started asking more direct questions wrote me (and sent me copies of their communication with Life Literature). Of that group, none received a response to those direct questions, of the ones who responded to me. After numerous attempts at calling them myself, I emailed and still got no response. There was no answer forthcoming regarding their knowledge and involvement in Harold’s plans to go to Haiti to train a replacement. No answer…

But God…

Funny thing about Him. He knows everything. Sees everything. And if He is so inclined, He will shout from the mountain that which was whispered in the shadows…

God cares about the oppression and victimization of the little ones, and the vulnerable being taken advantage of. He cares a lot.

There I was, this morning, minding my own business (again) when I received messages confirming that my gut feeling indeed was right. Life Literature, for all their “he’s not going through Life Literature” knew good and well that Harold planned to go back to Haiti. Whether going ‘with them or through them or under them or around them”, they knew he was going. In fact, they knew so well that one of their own, went shopping with Harold Herr to buy supplies at PaulB Hardware in Lititz PA.

This would be blatant surmising to assume Harold and Earl shopping together had anything to do with Harold’s (now allegedly cancelled) trip to Haiti, if they had not been heard to say they are getting supplies “for Harold to take to Haiti.” In their own words, that was the intent and purpose of the shopping outing.

Life Literature knew. Lamar Nolt refused to acknowledge that. Why?

It is a certainty that Life LIterature knew the allegations against Harold a long time ago. And they completely disregarded those allegations, insofar as allowing him to work for them. No investigation. No hearing the hearts of the alleged victims first hand. This is years into knowing about the allegations. Years!

And even after the Jeriah Mast scandal, there wasn’t an eye-opening moment of revelation that, “Goodness, maybe we should look into this. Jeriah claimed to be innocent of allegations and he was guilty. Maybe when there are so many allegations (or not that many), we should exercise wisdom and discernment and suspend workers with allegations and have an independent third party investigation done.”

Nope. They waited until September, at which time someone (or a group) from Haiti Benefit Auction put pressure on, and they ‘let him go’. But did they? What does ‘letting someone go’ look like?

Does it mean they are removed from payroll? Was he removed or did he stay on payroll after being ‘let go’? (I know the answer to when he was taken off, or if he was. But I will leave it to the public to do some homework on this and contact Life to find out if HH was removed before I published my blog. If he wasn’t, how could they claim he was ‘let go’? )

Does ‘being let go’ mean he is no longer allowed to do any training for them? Again, was he restricted from doing training? Let’s see… he recently told his family he would be going to Haiti to train his replacement. He went shopping with Life Literature Treasurer, Earl Fox. And no one wants to be forthcoming about the whole deal. That offers more questions than answers, and it sure does not speak of transparency.

As a highly respected and honourable  Conservative Anabaptist licensed counselor said to me this week: It is very rare for adult children to accuse their parents of sexual abuse and it not hold truth. (Worded as close as possible to the counselor’s wording, based on notes taken during the phone call).

That should be taken seriously and taken into account here.

Why would a son, a daughter or other family member make accusations that are not true? Especially when the risk of the culture disbelieving them and shaming them is so high. What do they gain? They might get cut out of the will. They will likely be accused of lying. They pay for it in family dynamics. And if proved to be lying, those who are professionals — true professionals — in the work force could lose that too.

None of these things are positives. None. All outcomes lead to huge losses even if telling the truth, and even more so if lying. For what earthly reason would someone choose that, if not true? Truth is a compelling force, and some will sacrifice anything to stand for truth.

As the counselor said, It is very rare for adult children to accuse their parents of sexual abuse and it not hold truth.

Blow me off if you want, but take that counselor seriously. He is human, but I’ve heard him to be highly honourable over the years. And if he says allegations from adult children of the accused generally hold credibility, then we need to pay attention. (And for those who were told by HH or others that his family has retracted all allegations, I can assure you with 100% certainty that is not truth).

There is no excuse for a mission organization looking the other way,  deceiving the public about their involvement and how they ‘let go’ the accused individual. Just own up already.

Once we start dealing with truth, we can make progress.  The games don’t speak well of the players.

 

As always…

Love,
~ T ~

*****

Trudy offers conferences for survivors of abuse, and training to equip churches and the community in caring for victims and offenders. If you would like to inquire about having a conference or training in your area, send an inquiry via Contact TrudyTo support Generations Unleashed, the charity she works for, Donate Here.

SURVEY: Conservative Anabaptist (CA) Leaders’ Response to Abuse: If you are/were CA and have been sexually abused and interacted with a CA leader regarding the abuse, this survey is for you.

I am preparing several other surveys and will release them on our SURVEYS PAGE.

© Trudy Metzger

 

 

 

 

(Part 2 of 5): Healing: Acknowledgement, Lies & Truth

….Continued from Part 1

There is no formula to healing for sex abuse survivors, but there are certain things, in no particular order, that bring deep healing. The following are some of those steps far from exhausting the list.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
What is not acknowledged, cannot be healed. It can be suppressed. It can be buried. It can be downplayed and ignored. But it cannot be healed. And it will surface, one way or another.

Many female victims talk about misplaced rage and anger. Others talk about being shut down and feeling nothing at all. Yet others talk about resenting their husband’s touch, or feeling disdain for all males – if abused by males — including their own sons, husband and other male friends. Others talk about a constant desire for male attention that is not theirs to have. (Referring to married women struggling with the need to seek the attention of other men; often the husbands of close friends). Many talk about obsession with body image. And sometimes the fear that they will do to children what was doen to them. Those are some of the ways buried abuse resurfaces in females.

My experience with male victims is more limited, but I have seen a few patterns. Among them are men shutting down after being sexually abused. Disdain for sexual intimacy with spouse, if the abuser was female, and disgusted by female anatomy. Desire for sex with other males, if the abuser was male…. or deep disdain for their own sexuality, because their own anatomy is like the weapon used against them. Escaping life through addictions, whether porn, alcohol, drugs… or work. Fear they too will molest someone one day.

Many of the patterns that are there in lives of victims who are in denial, are also there in those who acknowledge the abuse. The difference is that what is acknowledged can be worked through and healed. Once healed, there is a whole new level of peace, and when those same struggles come up, there are strategies for handling them in a healthy way. In contrast, what is buried will continue to negatively impact the individual and those around, with no hope of healing or change.

Acknowledgement alone is not enough. While it is the first step, therefore a critical one, to stay there with no further hard work does not offer hope. It opens the door to finding hope, but it only admits darkness exists, and darkness can never produce light.

UNRAVELING THE LIES & REPLACING THEM WITH TRUTH
I’ve heard it said that the only real power Satan has is ‘the lie’. I’ve pondered often on this, and am more and more inclined to believe it. In every circumstance of my life, spiritually, it has not been the circumstance that caused the deepest mind and soul struggle; it has been the lies. But there is a practical this-world-reality of humanity and the physical mind and body that must be considered or we will destroy victims’ faith yet further.

We must separate the traumatic aftermath of violence, assault and terrifying experience from how we deal with those lies. That human element of struggle – ie; flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety – are not based on lies. They are reality. (Often unacknowledged and/or unresolved reality, but reality nonetheless). Many people in ministry demonize these human responses to terror, and that, in itself, is spiritual abuse. It imposes on the victim the sense of being in the devil’s grip when in fact they are responding as the human brain and body are wired to respond. God created our minds and body to live in a Garden without pain, suffering or sorrow. This thing we were hurled into, we are not designed for.

With gentle healing, these things generally resolve themselves. No hypnotherapy. No manipulation. No casting out demons. Just patiently living the love of Jesus in their world. I make this claim based on my work with survivors these past 9+ years. This is not scientific research, or any other research, for that matter. There have been two exceptions with victims I worked with, who did not find deep and ongoing relief from the triggers, nightmares and flashbacks just from having someone listen, care and speak life. And most of the rest did not take years to get there. On average, I worked with clients for 3 to 6 months, after which most were equipped to handle the aftermath both spiritually and practically.

Having clarified that, I will address the lies. In every traumatic event, there is a lie…. or many. And there is usually truth entangled with it. For example, when a person is raped several things happen. Their safety is taken in an instant. But not safety only in the broad sense. It is their very body, which they must take everywhere they go, making the victims feel helpless.

Already there is a lie, and there is truth.The truth is, they were indeed robbed of safety. No one can argue that. Rape is not safe. The body is attacked physically, spiritually and psychologically. There is nothing safe about it. The person might carry aids or some other STD. Not safe at all. It could, in fact, cost the victims health or life. We must acknowledge that truth with the victims. Downplaying these harsh realities or minimizing them escalates trauma. A simple, “I am so sorry” is all it takes to acknowledge the suffering.

The lie is “I am helpless”. While safety has been robbed, the individual is not helpless. We feel helpless, and once upon a time I thought I was. (Imagine that!) It felt so real that I genuinely believed I as destined to a life of emptiness, worthlessness and that I had no purpose. I cried out to God in that place over and over, “Please don’t let what I went through be in vain. I can live with it if it has purpose. But I can’t live with it if that’s all there is.” I would tell Him I’m willing to go where He sends me, and do what He tells me. The only thing I couldn’t accept is purposeless suffering.

Little did I know then that God would answer that cry be asking me to do what goes against everything in my desire to be loved and it accepted by people. Had I known the cost then, I’d have been too afraid to pray half the things I prayed. I’m thankful I had no idea.

Another lie is, “this is all you are worth.” I’ve only encountered a few victims who did not struggle with this lie. Rape and other sexual assault communicate to the victim that they are not worthy of love; they are only worthy of being used and assaulted. They take on themselves the identify of the vile abuse – not even that of the abuser, usually – and live out of that. The truth is the offender chose you because of his/her own wickedness and depravity, not because there is anything wrong with you. It has nothing to do with your worth, and everything to do with their opportunistic depraved selves. You are beautiful, precious, beloved… made in the image of God. You are worthy. You have so much more to give. You are valued and cherished by God, and deserve that same gift from your fellow humans.

Sometimes offenders focus on making the victim’s body respond to his/her assaults. The power to force the victim’s body to respond via orgasm and stimulation is its own thrill. This leaves victims tormented on so many levels! Unlike rape at gunpoint, the victim is terrorized by his/her own response rather than a gun. There is guilt and shame. If I truly hated it, why did my body like it? If I didn’t want it, why did I orgasm? There is betrayal. It is as if the victim’s body has conspired against the victim to partner with the offender in the attack. If safety is robbed in every sexual assault, there is no case where such safety is more stolen than when the victim’s body takes the side of the offender.  The truth is the offender weaponized sexuality. Your body responded precisely as it was designed to respond to sexual touch, and the offender took advantage of that. It is not your fault. God created you to be loved intimately by your marriage partner, in safety. The offender stole that from you, and violated you.

The list of lies goes on, and on, and on. While I stopped taking clients in 2016, and no longer do 1:1 sessions while studying — and don’t know if I will ever again — when I did, looking at the lies was a key part of the healing process. I asked clients to write out what they believe about themselves, about others, and about God. Having done so, we picked out the lies, unraveled them, and replaced them with truth.

It wasn’t a formula. And it can’t be made into one. It is about listening at a gut/heart level, listening to the victim’s needs, and speaking truth into the lies. It is about showing victims how to do that in the day-to-day, and finding a new and healing mantra to replace the lies that attack our soul and being.  Every victim’s story is unique. So walking in with some agenda or preconceived notion of what it will look like – or should look like – is arrogant, at best. Abusive, at worst.

Every victim needs someone to listen without judgement…

Continued… (PART 3)

 

As always…

With love,
~ T ~

© Trudy Metzger 2019

***

ANONYMOUS SEXUAL ABUSE SURVEY BY ANABAPTIST MEDICAL DOCTOR

Some time ago, a friend told me of a medical doctor (Anabaptist) who is doing research into sexual abuse in Anabaptist communities. To take his survey visit:
Anabaptist Medical Matters

***

JASON GRAY CONCERT:
NOVEMBER 2, 2019
Lancaster Bible College, Lancaster PA
7:00pm
CONCERT TICKETS NOW AVAILABLE TO THE PUBLIC: Here

NOTE: Due to the concert being the celebration for survivors of abuse,
we ask that any who have sexually abused as adults not attend out of respect

November 2, 2019:  THE GATHERING, held at Lancaster Bible College, is a place where survivors of sexual assault, together with our support person(s), collectively invite God into our grief.  It is exclusively for Anabaptist survivors of sexual abuse and trusted support persons to gather for a day of acknowledging the generations of suffering and sexual violence among us. We will cry out to God, together. Come as you are in your raw brokenness, if that’s where you’re at, or in your healed togetherness. We welcome you! The itinerary is simple. It isn’t about ‘who’ or ‘how’; it is about Jesus and a safe place to meet, to grieve and heal another layer, together.

NOTE: Anyone over 18 who sexually assaulted someone – whether child or other adult – is not welcome. This does not mean they are not forgiven if they have repented. It means victims should not fear being confronted with the source of their trauma on such a vulnerable day. Security guards will be present to remove any who show up and are identified as offenders by the victims.

Until August 1, 2019, registration for the day’s events includes lunch and attendance to the evening concert with Jason Gray, whose music had brought hope and healing to countless victims. Songs like “The Wound is Where the Light Gets In“, “A Way to See in the Dark“, Sparrows“, “Nothing is Wasted“, and many more speak a language we understand.

NOTE: After August 1 concert is included dependant on availability. Once concert tickets are sold out, registrations will continue until October 1 and include lunch only.

***

If you are able to contribute to Generations Unleashed and our work with and for victims, you may donate via PayPal or e-transfer to info@generationsunleashed.com. Or visit Generations Unleashed Donate.

Haiti:Anabaptist Pastor/Missionary, Andy Faller, Speaks Out

This morning someone sent me the attached (see link) written by Pastor Andy Faller from Haiti. I’ve never met him, but I recognize truth when I read it, hear it and see it. He has my deepest respect. I chatted with several friends about him and was told he is a very conservative Anabaptist pastor who is obviously ‘breaking rank’ to speak truth publicly.

Please pray for him and his family, for Simeon Shankster and his family, and all those rising up to address the current crisis honourably from inside the culture. We all know that does not happen without a price tag, usually a high one, and usually paid by those speaking truth. May God give them grace and strength.

Read the letter here (or scroll down to images, which may not be as clear): Andy-Faller-Public-letter

My heart is many things this morning. Saddened. Grateful. Broken. Healed. Grieving. Weeping. Rejoicing to see men rise up…. Thankful that Jesus is in this crazy mess, and that he was willing to speak into deception, to show that it can be done.

In over 9 years of working with sex crimes in our Anabaptist communities I have never seen men of God rise up like this publicly and stay standing. I have watched them rise, and then bow to the system, cave to the pressure. I’ve been gaslighted. Lied to. Lied about. That is normal in my line of work.

When the sacred cow gets poked, those who draw milk from her and revere her, without fail, turn to deception and blinding the public. This case is no different on that front.  But this time men are rising up. Standing tall on truth. Refusing to cater to religious politics or protect rank.

In the past few days I’ve sat and stared at hard evidence of things said by those who now declare my blogs are lies. I listen to the audios.  Their words. That is what I wrote about. They are either truth… or they are  lies of the ‘authors’ of the words, whether spoken or written. I try to reconcile this with the cry to forgive, the loud screams (figuratively) — “Trudy is the most wicked woman in all the world! She is evil! She is not a Christian!” — while those declaring these things (and there are many) brazenly lie, and destroy evidence (a bit too late because others have it) that might reveal to the world their lies.

Tell me… Who is God? Who is Jesus? What is truth in a religion such as that?

(No, I’m not broadly painting all Anabaptists. I’m sharing what has happened repeatedly in 9+ years).

Those are the ‘norms’. What is happening this time is not my ‘norm’.

I’ve never watched men rise up and boldly, speak truth without wavering in the crazy of abuse being exposed. And, in this case, even posting publicly what they know is truth. That kind of backbone, and not slipping to jargon about ‘unity’ and making it about everything but the issue at hand … this is a new thing. And I thank God for this day.  I am sorry it took such an extreme situation and such a public exposure to get here. But even this is a thing God is using powerfully.

No, these men don’t align with me. They’ve offered no illusions of such a thing. I’ve had blunt disagreements with at least one. But they stand for truth. And they know truth. So they are rising up, and speaking out.

It gives me hope… Not for myself, because I am not in the conservative Anabaptist system of churches. It gives me hope for healing among them. For the ‘system’ to crumble so that Christ is made stronger. And not just stronger, but central in all things. Because He said, “I am the Truth”, so for Him to be fully alive in us, and fully present in our churches, Truth and truth must take their rightful place.

Today I thank God that men are rising up in truth and in their God-given authority. I bless the men, their wives and their families. I know there are others, there are many, and not all will ever need to take a public stand, but I understand the price attached to such a stand.

As always…

Love,
~ T ~

© Trudy Metzger 2019

Screen Shot 2019-06-14 at 12.14.04 PM

Screen Shot 2019-06-14 at 12.14.58 PM