Warning to Anabaptists: Thomas Hansen (AKA: William Cronsell, Advocate for Old Men and Child Brides) Seeks Teaching Job in Anabaptist Community

This post won’t require a great many words. Thomas Hansen, whose real name is William Kronsel (or Cronsell? I’ve been sent several spellings), and also goes by Joshua Smith and Jordan Overcomer, has done the speaking for himself. Now, a man is entitled to his opinion. We all get to choose for whom and what we advocate. That’s none of my business. But sometimes the things we advocate for and our career interests create a public concern, as is the case here. And on that front I will write enough to set the stage.

To be clear, I don’t know Mr. Hansen. Never heard of him until today. I was alerted early this morning to a FB group he created called, “Trudy Metzger EXPOSED“. No skin off of my nose. Since I try to keep my life an open book being ‘exposed’ doesn’t frighten me.

What did alarm me is some of his posts I saw, unrelated to ‘exposing’ me, which I think would also concern most parents.

I don’t know how Mr. Hansen knows or is affiliated/aligned with the Conservative Anabaptist people. When the group was brought to my attention this morning, it had three members; Hansen (the admin), a person whose name I do not recall, and a Mr. Miller who is a trusted and gentle Anabaptist leader. (This mention should not be misconstrued as judgement against Miller. It merely indicates that Hanson may be strategically aligning with Anabaptists, and there is strong indication it is not for noble causes).

UPDATE: Mr. Miller received a personal invite to the group by Hansen. This attempt by Mr. Hansen to align with individuals of influence and standing in the Anabaptist community is, in itself, concerning. Again, it is no reflection on Mr. Miller. I do not know him, personally, but trusted friends have spoken to his character. I also reached out to him last evening to apologize for the appearance created by using his name. In spite of attempting to blatantly state there was no known alignment, some took it that way. I found him to be humble, gentle and gracious of heart.

This connection is my concern in light of the other concerns stemming from Mr. Hansen’s advocacy against age of consent and his interest in teaching children, who by their nature and lack of experience, are vulnerable. If he is affiliated with the broader Anabaptist community, then having knowledge of his advocacy is important in the event he would try to get a job within the community. For any failures and shortcomings in addressing sexual abuse, the Anabaptist community also has many strengths. One of them is their views on giving older men permission to date young girls. A man in his thirties or forties is not going to find blessing in dating a child who has just hit puberty.

That kind of relationship — between a full grown (even ‘older’) man and a child is what Mr. Hansen is advocating for. He believes that when a young girl hits puberty, an older man should be allowed to wed her. Maybe what is most concerning is that he declares he “has worked as a teacher and know(s) how things are.”

It is also alarming that he posted in an Amish group asking how he can find a teaching job without being a church member. So he wants to teach without being a church member. He is advocating for grown men and older men to have access to any female who has hit puberty. He knows how it works because of his teaching career. And he wants to do this in a nonresistant Anabaptist community. There he is not likely to be reported if he ‘loves’ a child. (Using the term love in quotations to reference his post in the previous screenshot. It isn’t love). The following is his post in an ex Amish and Mennonite Facebook group, which appears to be seeking advice on how to infiltrate Amish/Mennonite groups.

This screenshot may shed light further light on why he wants so desperately to teach in an Anabaptist setting.

Fortunately, every Anabaptist I know would take their minors and run for the hills before giving this over-30 man access to their children, whether in their homes or in their schools. It is for this reason, and this reason alone, that I have chosen to do this blog. I would normally not bother giving a man with this mindset a platform by mentioning his name publicly. But I have many loved ones in the Anabaptist community, including nieces and nephews and great nieces and nephews. To have this man teach them would make me ill.

This image shows him with a group of Anabaptist women. Case in point about his attempt at infiltrating.

So, if he comes knocking at your Amish or Mennonite church schools for a job, member or not, you now at least know what he would bring to the table. You make the choice from there. You’ve been informed by his own words.

As always…

With Love,
~ T ~

© Trudy Metzger 2021

Mennonite-raised man with EXTREMELY strong ties to wealthy Mennonites threatens to sue me with their backing… and advice I gave his wife

On Sunday September 22, 2019, a man contacted me in a bit of a sour mood. Initially he was irritated about a status I posted, in which I wrote: “If a man had molested his own daughters (or anyone else, for that matter), in the past, is he ever the right choice to be in leadership (board of directors or other) for an organization offering support for troubled young women? To give context, he has only been dealt with quietly and has never been reported.” I don’t know context for his frustration, exactly, but he’s entitled to his opinion. I’m entitled to mine. And I’m entitled to post what I wish on my FB, as long as it does not violate FB rules… or my own conscience before God.

In any case, whatever bothered him about this status, his response was to launch into an attack on me for allegedly wrecking their marriage with the advice I gave his wife. (Advice that I have posted below). In reality, I listened to his wife, and was careful not to give advice, as you will see below.

The man then launched into threats to sue me: “If you continue to communicate with my wife I will sue you. That’s not a threat it’s a statement. [Ummm…No… It’s a threat]. You have caused enough unnecessary drama and I have the backing of a lot of plain people and major funds. Have a good life and I hope the Lord works a miracle with you.

Baffled by the allegations and not able to recall what advice I gave, beyond my usual, “I care… you’re not alone… seek professional counseling…”, I went back through my conversations with his wife to see what ‘drama’ I had created. The only ‘drama’ I can figure out is that I gave her a place to share her fears and concern…

The following is the kind of counsel I gave, (with all identifying information removed, and removing all comments except my own):

I went through [something similar to what you’re describing] and didn’t even think to discuss any of it with my doctor. [identifying information redacted]. It might be good to talk to your doctor about it […]

You are not alone. Many of us have pushed through these same struggles. It is hard, but worth fighting through. Twenty-five years later, Tim is my best friend. And to think we almost didn’t make it a few times, if only because I felt I couldn’t push through anymore. I felt unloved, abandoned and worthless.”

Do you tell him he’s a good dad, and all the other qualities he has?

[Tim & I] pushed through the ‘waves’ and ‘cycles of confusion’ [in our marriage]. I tried always to build him up and speak to his strengths, and he is by nature very faithful. That helped a lot. But eventually we also had to learn to ‘fight well’ and really get to the bottom of the main hurts. There is a right time, and right way to ‘fight’ and there is a right time and right way to get to the bottom of key issues. We Mennonite women have mostly not been taught to do that well.

You can get through this, and be best friends again. I’m not going to lie. It is hard work. But it is so worth it!

Do you know each other’s love languages?

(T)he the more depleted each partner gets, the harder it is to meet the needs of the other. Hang in there. I will pray for you

So here are the professional counselors my friend would recommend:
[redacted to remove location and identifying information]..

I can’t give advice, per se, but I can encourage you to keep seeing your counsellor and hopefully get the support you need to get through this. I will pray for you.

I’ll keep praying for you, trusting God to heal and restore what has been lost.

I’m so glad [they] are healing, and I trust God will move in unexpected ways for you and [your husband], healing you individually, and relationally. I’m not a fan of ‘formulas’, but have heard couples who were transformed with the guide of Love Dare (a book). I don’t know if it would be beneficial and supportive for you, or not, but I’ll leave that with you to contemplate.

These are examples of the kind of advice I gave. And he claims I gave damaging advice that caused drama, and is threatening to sue me if I don’t stay away from his wife… even though she is the one who reached out to me! (While he has the privilege of asking me to stay away from his wife we don’t live in a country where a man can sue someone for responding to their spouse when she reaches out. It isn’t 1819. And this is USA and Canada..) Should the wife ask me not to contact her,  I presume there might be some room for harassment charges…. except that I wouldn’t contact her. Also, there’s always the ‘unfriend’ and ‘block’ or ‘block messages’ buttons on FB. That would be another option if it’s drama he is trying to avoid.

Back to the issue of lawsuits…
The man initially threatened to sue me if I contact his wife again. Later, in a moment of of sanctifying his threats, he told me it would be to help others….

He also told me that he is not a Mennonite, but claims to be an advocate for them. Fair enough. Being a ‘not Mennonite’ is neither here nor there to me, though, last I heard he still attends a conservative church, with his wife in covering …. so he’s ‘culturally’ a Mennonite. His father is a conservative Anabaptist leader, last I heard. And he alleges to have the backing of wealthy conservative Mennonites in his endeavours against me.

I took this to mean he was saying the threat of lawsuit doesn’t reflect badly on Mennonites, though I’m not sure what his point was, because he claims to have the backing of wealthy Mennonites to sue me, and a list of 10 people who want to sue me. (And those communications could all be subpoenaed for court. That would be fun). That, if true, puts it all right back on people in the conservative Anabaptist culture.

Following are some of the comments he sent. His messages are italicized. My response are plain text, and my added thoughts are in brackets:

“I have the backing of a lot of plain people and major funds.”


(I’m constantly reminded that by taking crimes to the law I am not a forgiving person, and I obviously don’t believe in redemption. But suing me? That’s okay because, well, exposing sex crimes disrupts … well, a whole lot of things. So suing me is non-resistant? Forgiving? Turning the other cheek? Or has life really become all about money and power?  All of these threats might scare me if money was more powerful than God, or a prerequisite for getting into heaven. But…. Well…. The good news is that God is still in control and if He sees fit to use a lawsuit against me to unearth more buried corruption, so be it. I am His servant. And He will take care of me. Of this I am confident. Losing everything would only scare me if I didn’t have Him. And I don’t have that much to lose, so there’s that.)

He continued:

“I got other people talking to me about you and you know as well as I do I have EXTREMELY strong ties to the plain churches. Heck I have relatives in about every one.”


(What more can a person say? Is he actually saying having “EXTREMELY strong ties to the plain churches” is a threat? What are they in his mind, the mafia?)

“I was told to talk about it to you along time ago but I never did because I don’t wanna be that guy. No need to go into detail. Your a smart person and you know.”

(No I don’t know because I don’t know who said he should talk to me, or why.  And like it or not, you are “that guy”, whatever that means, because you just did it).

I don’t care about myself. I care about others that are being hurt.
The Lord has blessed my business and I intend to use the funds to help others. I wouldn’t do that if I only cared about myself. God bless

My response:
“And suing blesses people how? There is nothing of Jesus likeness in your messaging today. And then end with “God bless”? Don’t use His name in vain and try to spiritualize the profane.”

His comeback:
Protects the innocent
Even if I go to hell I’ll at least have protected some people

My response:
“You don’t have a leg to stand on. I have done nothing to you or your wife, and to sue me makes no sense.”

His comeback:
It wouldn’t be on behalf of me and my wife. I would be supplying funds to someone else that has contacted me. Oh well if you have done nothing wrong then you don’t need to worry

My response:
I’m not worried. Feel free to provide funds for others. But initially you said if I continue to communicate with your wife you will sue me. So which is it? Suing on behalf of someone else or because I respond to your wife?

His comeback:
It can be either.
That’s on you

(So it seems he doesn’t care so much what method he uses to get at me, or whether his own behalf or someone else’s. He just cares that he finds some way to sue me. That should stand up well in court. “Yes, Judge, I am determined to somehow bring harm to this woman who was there for my wife when she was going through a hard time. I don’t care how. I just care that I get it done. And, as you can see, Mr. Judge, her advice is terrible! She encouraged my wife to find my strengths and praise me. She recommended speaking with her family doctor and professional counselors. She also connected her with a woman who had contacts for professional counselors and a pastor she thought might specifically help our marriage. And then she had the audacity to tell my wife she and her husband walked through similar struggles and came out as best friends! Unbelievable! So, yes, Mr. Judge, I’m going to sue her, and I’m going to give money to other conservative Mennonites who want to sue her! I’ve had quite enough of this!”  (SIDE NOTE: If you are conservative Mennonite and want to sue me but need funds to do so, let me know. I know a guy with deep pockets and a pile of money who would help you)).

But the whole thing didn’t end there. He returned with more bullying a day later, after I posted a status saying that after I posted about getting lawsuit threats, I had learned of three conservative Anabaptists wanting to sue me. That inspired the following:

His message:

“you only know of three. I have written proof of at least 10
But it wasn’t right of me to say everything I know yesterday and I apologize.

My response:
“I can’t recall a thing you said that amounts to ‘everything you know’ or what others might have told you. No need to apologize. And I’ve updated the status to include the 10 🙂

His comeback:
Basically I got derailed for the things you told my wife. You have only heard her side of the story. [Redacted for confidentiality and protect their marriage]. You made it worse. Even if you can see that you will never admit it. Also you have no respect for men otherwise you wouldn’t feel the need to text me wife to cover your tracks when I asked you not to. Good day

[Redacted for confidentiality and protect their marriage]

[Redacted for confidentiality and protect their marriage]

My response:
“I went back and read all conversations between me and your wife. I don’t know what you think I ‘advised’ or told her, but you have it very, very wrong. I didn’t text your wife to cover my tracks [yesterday after being accused of causing drama and bad advice]. I messaged her to apologize for anything I did to cause harm, and I asked if she could point out what I did/said to cause that harm so I might learn from it. How you think that is me covering tracks is beyond me. You sound paranoid, at best.

His comeback:
I’m not paranoid. At all. We are currently doing a roof for the retired police commissioner of Chicago and he went down over your timeline, you should here what he has to say…..oh wait you would probably call him paranoid also.”

My response:
lol! I’m talking about [being] paranoid over my conversations with your wife and what advice you think I gave. I have hard evidence of what kind of advice it was, and I would comfortably post it on a blog. [as I have now done here]

As for the police commissioner… I shared the stage with an LAPD Sex Crimes Officer (currently off due to injury) this weekend who does the same work I do [of confronting and exposing sex crimes]. And I have lawyers, doctors/psychiatrists and other professionals on my friend list who give me feedback on my writings. And I would welcome hearing the Chicago commissioner’s words and opinions.”

(COMMENT: Interesting fact. What is public on my profile would not raise any concerns for any law enforcement officer. This was a power play. So, yes, Mr. Retired Commissioner, please forward your concerns about my Facebook Posts via my Contact Page).

His comeback:
Well you definitely made our marriage worse. *Everyone that reads our texts agrees.”

My response:
“Take some ownership, [name redacted]. You haven’t read the advice I gave. If you did, you’d know it was good advice.”

His comeback:
“You got a big head. You made a mistake and you can’t own up to it”

My response:
“Own your wrongs. Stop blaming other people. Don’t use your “I’m rich and powerful” to attempt to intimidate people.”

[insert “deleted comment”]
NOTE: I shared the advice I gave his wife — same as above — but decided to delete and share on my blog instead as I was not interested in further private dialogue with him. He opened the next comment before I was able to delete it:

“Those are direct copies of advice I gave your wife. [referring to same as above]. I’d tell her all of those things again. Shame on you for trying to blame your failure in your marriage on me.”

His comeback:
There is a special place in Hell for people that wreck marriages. No fingers pointed. Only cowards remove messages. No fingers pointed

(A day ago he was the one who deleted messages. Of course the rules are different for other people in the lives of bullies).

My response:
“Then stop wrecking your marriage and avoid that special place in hell. Take ownership.
I removed the messages because I decided it can go in a public blog instead.”

His comeback:
Btw I’m not a Mennonite. Just a advocate for them.

My response:
“You are abusive. And you are a bully.”

“You’re mennonite.
It’s a culture. And you are definitely in it.
Now you can stop harassing me.”

His comeback:
Thanks for that one message calling me names. Libel lawsuit grounds.

My response:
“You mean calling you a bully?
Libel, my friend, is not based on a private message.
It is based on public statements.”

With this, I closed comments so he could no longer message me. I can take a lot, but there’s a point where the bullying is a waste of time that could be spent elsewhere. As for libel, there’s not grounds for a libel suit even with me posting all of this publicly. For one, I have not named him, and he is not identifiable. Besides, it is truth I’m posting, and not lies. I have quoted his own bullying here, and how he uses his money as power to destroy. Money is fleeting. By tomorrow morning, if God saw fit to let some tragedy befall any of us, we’d be a pennyless beggar. I do not wish that for him or anyone. But I do pray God gets hold of his heart and he uses his finances for the Kingdom of God not the work of the devil.

Having blocked his messages, he wasn’t done. He went to my other account and sent the following:

My response was to block him there completely. As for how many people he has spying on me, I really couldn’t care. Spy all you want…. bring in an army of spies. I’m used to be watched. I’ll still tell the truth.

I told him to stop harassing me — because he was the one reaching out to me, and he follows that up by telling me not to harass him or his wife? He’s been hounding me, and I’m asked to stop harassing? (Gaslighting much?) And he includes more litigation threats. That’s harassment. He reminds me again of how much money he has. (Yeah, yeah, buddy, I heard you the first time. You’re filthy rich. So?) And he ends by saying money goes a long way in the judicial system. Huh? Is he saying the system is corrupt and he will use their corruption in partnership with his own corruption to try to sue me unjustly? Like… is he saying US judicial systems are so corrupt that he can use money to win a case against me that’s not legit?

Even if true, here’s the problem. I’m Canadian. An American would have to sue me in Canadian court because Canada has jurisdiction over me. And, frankly, I don’t believe our judicial system is so corrupt that an American can come prancing in here with a lawsuit (based on what, again?) and a bag of money to buy favours.

So, dear Mr. I-WannaSueHerPantsOff, you should start by researching how to sue a Canadian who has broken no laws and committed no crimes, and brought no harm. And then you shouldn’t tell me you plan to sue me. You should just do it. That is, if you can find a lawyer desperate and crooked enough to take your money when the case has no grounds for a lawsuit.

Never play poker with your cards facing the other players.

And never ever use empty threats to bully people. In particular people who would reveal in court that, in fact, they were helpful and supportive to your wife, and encouraged her to get professional support and advice. That giving such advice is such a threat to any husband is very concerning.

In closing, I know you are wealthy. No need to remind me.

Truth is, for me ‘stuff’ in this life is not that important. I’m halfway to 100. Anything God needs me to do in the next 20 to 50 years (or week or two, since we are not promised long life), He will provide. Unencumbered by ‘stuff’, usually makes people more passionate and committed to their calling. And passion and commitment to a calling makes stuff less important. Win/win.

My prayer is that those who are offended at truth telling and exposing wickedness take a step back, and check their hearts. What is it about telling the truth that offends you so deeply? What about it makes you hate me and wish me dead? What about it makes you want to sue me?

To those threatening lawsuits… Some of you claim to know Jesus. Some claim to be non resistant. If war should arise and you would be drafted, you would seek to be excluded on religious grounds. And some of you stand behind a conservative Anabaptist pulpits preaching Jesus on Sundays. (Or is it Him you preach?) Yet, Monday through Saturday you think about suing me and even talk about it? If I am so far gone astray, should you not reach out to me to draw me to Christ? And if you are not interested in the Jesus Way, why bother holding on to a culture and religion that claims His name, and defame both Jesus and the religion?

I will unapologetically continue to expose sexual abuse and violence. No amount of empty lawsuit threats will stop me from my calling, and bullying and threats will be called out publicly. I am careful to speak truth. If ever I get things wrong that I have posted, I apologize. I never function out of hatred or a desire to destroy people, but rather to stop abuse and corruption.

If that is so wrong, then go ahead and do what you need to do.


As always…

~ T ~

© Trudy Metzger 2019


Events and Announcements:

Dayton Virginia: Training and conference, October 9-12, 2019.

Screen Shot 2019-08-19 at 1.59.27 PM.png

To read a recent 5-part series addressing victim healing and forgiveness for offenders, click: HERE.



Some time ago, a friend told me of a medical doctor (Anabaptist) who is doing research into sexual abuse in Anabaptist communities. To take his survey visit:
Anabaptist Medical Matters


NOVEMBER 2, 2019
Lancaster Bible College, Lancaster PA

NOTE: Due to the concert being the celebration for survivors of abuse,
we ask that any who have sexually abused as adults not attend out of respect

Screen Shot 2019-08-26 at 10.51.52 PM.png

November 2, 2019:  THE GATHERING, held at Lancaster Bible College, is a place where survivors of sexual assault, together with our support person(s), collectively invite God into our grief.  It is exclusively for Anabaptist survivors of sexual abuse and trusted support persons to gather for a day of acknowledging the generations of suffering and sexual violence among us. We will cry out to God, together. Come as you are in your raw brokenness, if that’s where you’re at, or in your healed togetherness. We welcome you! The itinerary is simple. It isn’t about ‘who’ or ‘how’; it is about Jesus and a safe place to meet, to grieve and heal another layer, together.

NOTE: Anyone over 18 who sexually assaulted someone – whether child or other adult – is not welcome. This does not mean they are not forgiven if they have repented. It means victims should not fear being confronted with the source of their trauma on such a vulnerable day. Security guards will be present to remove any who show up and are identified as offenders by the victims.

Until August 1, 2019, registration for the day’s events includes lunch and attendance to the evening concert with Jason Gray, whose music had brought hope and healing to countless victims. Songs like “The Wound is Where the Light Gets In“, “A Way to See in the Dark“, Sparrows“, “Nothing is Wasted“, and many more speak a language we understand.

NOTE: After August 1 concert is included dependant on availability. Once concert tickets are sold out, registrations will continue until October 1 and include lunch only.


If you are able to contribute to Generations Unleashed and our work with and for victims, you may donate via PayPal or e-transfer to info@generationsunleashed.com. Or visit Generations Unleashed Donate.

A reader’s response: “One young boy’s hell”, And Paul Yoder’s “The Silent Curtain”

The following is difficult to read. But this is the other side of the story. The forbidden words of the ones who suffered at the hands of perpetrators. It is harsh. It is somewhat graphic.

I’ve said it before, and I will say it again, if we as adults cannot handle knowing this horrific truth, we shouldn’t expect children to walk through this hell in silence. We should be doing everything in our power to stop these atrocities, and not trying to silence those who cry out. And never, never should we be caught looking the other way, casually doing life, while this goes on.

The gentleman who wrote the following is also conservative Anabaptist, with a veiled wife…. for those to whom that makes a difference. He understands both the culture and the horror of victims.



Trudy, I penned the following response to “Haiti: A concerned Anabaptist’s letter & my response“, but soon realized that I had better run it by you before posting… if you think there is any value in sharing a testimonial like this, please feel free to do so. If so, would you please share anonymously? If this is too rough to share, I respect that.

“…the biggest loser of all is the person that you are negative about the most, Jeriah Mast…

This statement is disgusting and shocking, causing in me at first sheer disbelief that the person is serious, followed by deep anger. Yes, I want to be ‘respectful’ to the person that penned this, but have to admit that when angry I wish for a split second that people like this could just have a taste of the devastation that being raped causes… to see how absolutely asinine and ignorant their words are. While all rape is bad, there are dynamics that come into play when a boy is raped by a man that are tragic in a very unique way.

I remember a 12 year old child being told when performing oral to “try not to spill a drop” then looking at the gun sitting on the dashboard of the pickup. At 12 years old, learning the best positions to take that make the pain of anal penetration most bearable, finding ways to sit in class later without sitting funny so that peers didn’t suspect you were being raped anally.

I remember that same boy hitting puberty, and the confusion he has when he realizes that he is an expert at gay sex, but has not so much as held hands with a girl. As he thinks this through, his very confused and trauma-foggy mind concludes he must therefore be gay, leading to an adolescence filled with seeking to answer the question as to whether he is gay.

Imagine the self-worth of this young boy as his parents take him to a counsellor to “fix him”, but don’t continue because “it is too expensive, insurance wont cover it”.

By 14, with this sexual violence having continued for a year and a half, and all of these issues raging in the adolescent’s mind, he turns to alcohol, drugs and illicit sex to try and ease the mental anguish, to drown the raging hate that has filled his heart against the perpetrator and against those who should have protected him.

Imagine this adolescent at 16 with a driver’s license and a car, drinking himself to blackout 200 nights per year, yet still driving home.

Imagine this teen, in his sober moments, fixating on finding the evil man and killing him, but only after torturing him. And consider that this idea isn’t a fantasy, but is something that would have happened had the teen run across the man again.

Imagine this young man, who had straight A’s in school up until the ongoing rapes, all of a sudden failing every subject in every grade – completely failing grade 7, grade 8, grade 9, and grade 10. Finally the guidance counsellor tells the young man as he enrolls into grade 11, “you’re nothing but trouble, you’re a waste of our time. You don’t belong here. Why don’t you just drop out of school? You’re old enough to drop out if you want.”

Imagine how the youth now feels, with the school giving up on him, and in fact now all of society looks at him as a worthless, dangerous young man who seems destined to spend his life behind bars. The same way the young man now also feels about himself.

Imagine this young man, after dropping out of school, drinking 20 to 30 beer a night to drown the pain. When drunk he acts like he has a death wish, becoming aggressive, getting into fights that he cannot win, fighting huge men, fighting 5 to 10 men at once. He does anything to try and escape the mental pain, unable to process the past, and painfully aware that he has lost his childhood, adolescence, and has zero hope for the future. At 21, this young man is keenly aware that he will not be alive for long, given the fights, the black-out drinking, the reckless devil-be-damned life.

This is only a small sliver of my personal experience.

As a teen, I was driven with the overwhelming desire to catch this man and get even with him, make him pay. And believe me, had I found this man in my late teens or early 20’s, I would have taken my revenge, even if it meant spending the rest of life in prison.

So when I read Mr. Yoder’s sentence that says, “…the biggest loser of all is the person that you are negative about the most, Jeriah Mast”,

I feel that anger again. I remember the pain, loss, desperation, confusion. I remember like it was yesterday how the man used my mouth, used my anus. How he scared me into not telling anyone. And I just cannot accept that a man can be so unaware of the cost to the victim… so wrong, so ignorant, so unaware of the lifelong cost that the victim of rape pays.

Even as born a again Christian father, the experience worked its way into my life, and for years I consciously dealt with it, over and over, and over again.

(Name Withheld)


A year ago this month I first met the gentleman who wrote this. He reached out to offer support and encouragement in what was then a rather hellish experience for me. His kindness and wisdom was one of the ‘kindnesses of God’ in my life at that time, and my respect for him has deepened as time went on.

With time he shared that he had been abused. But this is the first I heard his story and the extent of his suffering. I had slipped out to run some errands yesterday and checked my messages in the parking lot.

I began to weep. This is the story of many a little boy, many a little girl. Most never tell it so graphically, nor is that always necessary. But every now and then this harsh truth must be told.

God forbid that anyone would judge this young man harshly. And God forbid that we would be so deceived as to believe it is the offender who suffers most, or loses most… At least in the way that is often presented to guilt trip someone into silence.

Maybe the offenders do lose most, in the end, because they lose themselves somewhere in that process. But it certainly is not the doing of those speaking out, that such loss happens. It is the direct result of unspeakable crimes committed, often in the name of God or the guise of relationship with him.

God forbid that we would silence this cry, or shy away from the horrible and uncomfortable truth. And, worse yet, somehow make the offender the victim when silence no longer works.


This blog was ready for posting when a friend sent me a link to a post by Paul Yoder regarding the case of Jeriah Mast and Christian Aid Ministries (CAM). I do not know Mr. Yoder’s connection with the Anabaptist community, or whether he is still part of it, but his words (I am hearing) are bringing hope and healing to victims within.

He ends the post with the following very blunt thoughts:
You must recognize that these are not only sins but crimes, heinous crimes, crimes on the level of murder. For a preacher, pastor, or counselor to decide that the criminal shows enough regret that they won’t be reported to law enforcement simply makes no sense. They have absolutely no authority to make that decision. No good can come from harboring these people and protecting them and their secrets.

Will it change? I pray that it will. When I look at my young children, I can’t help thinking of the horrors that many children their age suffer with no way out. The young victims’ innocence, emotional health, and even physical health are all destroyed by evil people who are protected by a religious system. I feel indignation, disgust, and anger that institutions, doctrines, and a way of life are more important than the individuals within those systems.

If the Amish and Mennonite communities are not willing to protect their weakest and most vulnerable members, then they deserve to be dismantled and become a thing of the past. If, on the other hand, they use this opportunity to evaluate themselves and their beliefs and practices, then this can be a golden opportunity to make things better than they have ever been.”

Here is a link to his blog: The Silent Curtain.


November 2, 2019, we have a day set aside to acknowledge the crimes of sexual violence in our Anabaptist culture at THE GATHERING.  It is exclusively for survivors of sexual abuse, and their trusted support persons. Anyone over 18 who sexually assaulted someone – whether child or other adult – is not welcome. This does not mean they are not forgiven if they have repented. It means victims should not fear being confronted with the source of their trauma on such a vulnerable day. Security guards will be present to remove any who show up and are identified by victims. (More information for potential attendees is available under THE GATHERING Registration and for non-attendees at THE GATHERING Information.

As always…

~ T ~


PS. Plans are coming together for the next two trips, to take place shortly. Thank you to all who have donated.

If you are able to contribute to Generations Unleashed and our work, you may send funds (via PayPal or e-transfer) to info@generationsunleashed.com. Or visit Generations Unleashed


© Trudy Metzger 2019