ASAA Founder confirms CAM “badgering” Jeriah Mast’s victims, The Gathering update, and upcoming Ontario Training Day

Someone sent me a screenshot of a statement made by Anabaptist Sexual Abuse Awareness (ASAA) Founder, Randal Martin, regarding the Jeriah Mast case on November 5, 2019 following Mast’s sentencing:


Whatever presently-irreconcilable differences I might acknowledge in regards to ASAA — that is until last year’s deceptions and gaslighting are appropriately addressed — I appreciate truth, regardless of it’s source.

What stands out most is the bold statement that CAM continues to use coercion and abuse of power in Haiti in regards to the victims, as well as the lack of Christ-likeness in the tragic responses to abuse.

He offers no testimony or proof to corroborate the claims, and I can’t speak to the ‘continuously’ part of it, but it does echo what some of the victims have said all along. But certainly he is right to call out the response of Jeriah, his leaders and church. And he is so right that no symposium or conference will bring change. Only repentance will.  True repentance. With repentance will come a new way of responding to crimes in church, and new care for those victimized as well as new respect for the laws of the land.

It will take more than lip service.  More than saying reporting is important and consistently doing it without interfering with the law and trying to get sentences reduced. 

At The Gathering this weekend we had a time of repentance on behalf of the church for the dreadful response by so many to those who have been traumatized by sexual abuse. We worshipped together.  We cared for victims by giving them a safe space to speak the truth of their experience. They were free to identify and name their abuser and his/her role in their lives, if they wished, and tell what he/she did, and how we can pray for them. It was sweet, the safety and the support in the room.

At one point a survivor shared that her abuser has been in prison for 10 years, and honoured their mother for supporting her children in the process. A cheer rose from the audience. A cheer that offended a few people, concerned there is no grace for offenders. Here’s the thing, there is grace. Lots and lots of it. There’s also consequences. And there are survivors who will cheer because, at least for a time, they feel safe. At least for a time that person won’t hurt a child. That’s something to celebrate. Not to mention that giving a safe space to feel and heal means a safe space to feel and express some uncomfortable things. Some will cheer. Some will cry.  Some will be conflicted.

It was safe to cheer. And next year, when we plan to do The Gathering again, it will be safe again, if that is what they need in the moment. And we won’t judge their hearts for cheering, or assume they don’t hold the grace of God in high regard. That kind of judgement is what makes church unsafe in the first place.

We shared communion in the truest sense of the word; in relationship. No performance. No shame. Just true connectedness with a room full of people who understand each other. Acknowledging it is JESUS, only JESUS, who makes us worthy.

We also spent part of our day giving opportunity to acknowledge the lies we believe, and speaking truth over those lies. And then we worshipped some more. And in the evening we had a concert with Jason Gray and Behold the Beloved.

Many expressed it was the best day they ever had being together with other survivors. Feeling safe like they’ve never felt before. Knowing that if anyone who offended sexually as an adult, and if they felt unsafe or uncomfortable, there was security present to remove that individual. It was a commitment we made, and without excuse or exception, we would follow through. Not because it is easy, but because it is right. This, again, has nothing to do with grace or no grace. There is grace. Lots of it. And there is a place for offenders in the kingdom of God. But it isn’t at a healing event for survivors where they are promised safety … for most, the first time. We plan to offer that safety again next year.

We are deeply grateful for the volunteers who gave all they had to give, and then a little bit more, to make the day run smoothly. Above all, we thank JESUS for loving us and inviting us to gather in relationship. First with Him, and also with each other.

On that note, if you are a survivor of sexual abuse that took place in an Anabaptist community, set aside Saturday November 7, 2020. We plan to make The Gathering an annual event, and for at least the first few years plan to hold it somewhere in Lancaster County. We have not determined yet if we will open it to survivors outside of Anabaptist community or not, as there is also something healing about gathering with a group who understand the cultural aspects of our journey. We rented a room to hold the events of the day this year, and with 120 people it was packed out, but a perfect size audience for deep connections. Going forward we will need to determine whether we want to keep it small or grow it, and how large.

In any case, it is the beginning of a ‘family’ where survivors of horror are understood and worship God together. The focus was not on the abuse, but on Jesus and healing, while addressing and acknowledging the horror of abuse, the injustices and misrepresentation of God in many of our experiences, and the need for a more holistic response to abuse in our communities.

That said, it is not for everyone, and a few attendees had some complaints. And that’s ok too. None of us are called to reach everyone, and I certainly have no ambitions to cater to all or please everyone. If what we do ministers to you, come out again. If not, hopefully there’s a place for you elsewhere that is healing and encouraging. Either way, we wish you God’s very best.


November 28-29 we are doing our first event local since 2014. The reason for this is that the past five years we have had so many request from out of the area that we’ve not had weekends or time available to look for a local venue to host an event. Recently we were asked if we would do a training locally, if the venue was available.

Training is very different from the conferences we do. (We still do conferences when invited). These days are focused on practical ways to support survivors of abuse as well as how to help offenders responsibly. Day One focuses only on supporting victims, understanding their needs, the pitfalls that come with helping them, and then how to ensure we don’t burn out. Day Two focuses on protecting the innocence of our little ones; the reason responsible help is so critical. It then moves to offender needs and the pitfalls that go with helping them, after which we interview someone who has offended and who speaks very honestly about that journey.

Survivors of abuse are welcome to attend, even though training is geared toward those who want to support them, rather than for survivors.  However, it is critical to be aware of the presence of someone who has offended. Here in Ontario, for this particular event, he will be present both days, though not in the room on the first day. He has offered to prepare the meals both days (with whatever help he recruits), and will be present in this context, as well as the interview and whatever sessions he sits in on for Day Two. If his presence is problematic for you, or our interview with him, we urge you not to attend. We do not wish to traumatize or trigger anyone. Your safety is of utmost importance to us, emotionally, physically/sexually, and spiritually. For this reason we are making you aware, while we also assure you that we have worked closely enough with him to believe he poses no risk. He is respectful of our boundaries and safety protocol, including publicizing his presence in advance.

To register you may fill out the form (below) and mail it in, or go to Generations Unleashed and register online. Group sizes for Training generally range from 20 to 50, and are more intimate and interactive.

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As always,

~ T ~

© Trudy Metzger 2019




Questions are coming in regarding changes I made to my previous blog in which I shared links to blogs written by victims of CC Matthews.  These changes included wording edits, removing of a victim’s name (whose name is public by her choice in the blog originally referenced; I do not make victims names public!), as well as removing the reference to the blog from my main Facebook page.

Out of respect for the particular victim originally mentioned in that blog, I have removed reference to her name. I have also linked to the main blog – GRACE UNASHAMED – rather than the story posted on the blog on her behalf. It is not my intent to wound victims in re-sharing what they have made public. 

Also out of respect for that victim, I am stating publicly that I used the word pimp in my original title and post, in reference to the pastor’s suggestion to young women to sell their bodies. I placed it in quotations to indicate it was not a literal ‘he is selling them’. This was offensive to the victim, and immediately upon hearing what it communicated to her, I edited my blog. She asked me to do a public retraction of what she felt was a misrepresentation of her story, so I am doing that here. CC Mathews did not sell her or make money off of her; he suggested to her to sell her bodyPimp was not the appropriate word choice to communicate her story. I apologize for this poor choice of wording and any misunderstanding this caused, and I am especially sorry for how it impacted the victim. The shortest word to sum up a sentence, I’ve learned, is not the wisest or most thoughtful way to tell it. I will be more mindful of this going forward.

Finally, within minutes of the victim requesting that I remove the reference from my Facebook page, I did so. I was told that the negative comments (bashing CC) were overwhelming for the victim(s), so I honoured that. On the professional pages the bashing did not take place. Nonetheless, I removed all comments that were made, since some referenced the victim by name.

As I mentioned in my original blog, the victims make it very clear in their writing that they are not out for revenge, but rather are hoping that other victims will come forward. That is my hope and prayer as well.


PLEASE NOTE: Given the public outcry over me sharing the blog link originally without asking, be advised that the blog owner has given me permission to keep her blog linked in the previous post.


The story is far from over. What I have learned in just over 24 hours, having communicated with pastors, church members, community members in both locations, is both alarming and encouraging.

It is very encouraging that the leader – John Weaver – made every effort to expose the wrongs and hold Matthews accountable. It is equally alarming that these concerns were disregarded by individuals who should have heard them, taken them seriously, and responded accordingly.

It would be appropriate, and seem necessary, for a thorough and unbiased external review of the matter to be done. There is a trail of evidence that points to blatant disregard and dismissal of these concerns. Unless addressed, this will continue to wreak havoc going forward. At the very least, we ought to learn from our mistakes. And as long as they are glossed over, that can’t happen.

There needs to be greater transparency and accountability for offenders, and protection for the vulnerable.

As always…

~ T ~

© Trudy Metzger 2019

Training and conference, Dayton Virginia, October 9-12, 2019.

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To read a recent 5-part series addressing victim healing and forgiveness for offenders, click: HERE.



Some time ago, a friend told me of a medical doctor (Anabaptist) who is doing research into sexual abuse in Anabaptist communities. To take his survey visit:
Anabaptist Medical Matters


NOVEMBER 2, 2019
Lancaster Bible College, Lancaster PA

NOTE: Due to the concert being the celebration for survivors of abuse,
we ask that any who have sexually abused as adults not attend out of respect

November 2, 2019:  THE GATHERING, held at Lancaster Bible College, is a place where survivors of sexual assault, together with our support person(s), collectively invite God into our grief.  It is exclusively for Anabaptist survivors of sexual abuse and trusted support persons to gather for a day of acknowledging the generations of suffering and sexual violence among us. We will cry out to God, together. Come as you are in your raw brokenness, if that’s where you’re at, or in your healed togetherness. We welcome you! The itinerary is simple. It isn’t about ‘who’ or ‘how’; it is about Jesus and a safe place to meet, to grieve and heal another layer, together.

NOTE: Anyone over 18 who sexually assaulted someone – whether child or other adult – is not welcome. This does not mean they are not forgiven if they have repented. It means victims should not fear being confronted with the source of their trauma on such a vulnerable day. Security guards will be present to remove any who show up and are identified as offenders by the victims.

Until August 1, 2019, registration for the day’s events includes lunch and attendance to the evening concert with Jason Gray, whose music had brought hope and healing to countless victims. Songs like “The Wound is Where the Light Gets In“, “A Way to See in the Dark“, Sparrows“, “Nothing is Wasted“, and many more speak a language we understand.

NOTE: After August 1 concert is included dependant on availability. Once concert tickets are sold out, registrations will continue until October 1 and include lunch only.


If you are able to contribute to Generations Unleashed and our work with and for victims, you may donate via PayPal or e-transfer to Or visit Generations Unleashed Donate.



Jeriah Mast Arrested for Ohio Crimes

Right there, in grocery store, I wanted to pause and weep when the news came in last evening. It was a simple message announcing that Jeriah Mast is in custody at Holmes County Jail. The heaviness of such a thing is too real to feel particularly victorious. The right thing is often the hardest thing.

And sometimes the right thing is only the right thing now because a different ‘right thing’ wasn’t done in the past. … or because many past right things were missed. Some out of lack of knowledge, some out of willful ignorance, some out of naivety. And the end result is today.

A warrant was issued July 2, 2019 for the arrest of Jeriah Daniel Mast, age 37, of Millersburg Ohio. He is facing seven Felony-3 charges and seven Misdemeanor-3 charges involving 5 victims. As of late evening, July 2, he was being held in Holmes County jail. Note that these charges are for his crimes on US soil only, not his crimes in Haiti. (To read more in local news Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: Former aid worker indicted on sexual abuse charges in Ohio. And the Daily Record: Former Ministry Worker Charged With Sexual Abuse in Holmes County)

The consequences for these crimes and years of hidden sin are now imposed on his family and loved ones; especially his wife and children. The ripples continue to impact countless people.

My heart is heavy, and deeply saddened. I find myself asking God, “What will it take for things to change? How often must this happen, again, and again – first the abuse, and then the legal battle – before this topic of sexual violence becomes a priority for ‘church’, where abuse runs rampant? Before children are protected and their wellbeing and safety prioritized?”

My confidence that exposing this case was the right thing has not lessened; it is stronger. It brought more victims forward in US, and made the broader church aware. (Though I do not know if the victims referenced on the indictment are those that came forward after exposure). It has created awareness that there are consequences when victims speak out. It also clearly communicated that there are those of us standing in the gap for victims, who are asking for organizational transparency, accountability and responsibility.

Our priority is caring for the victimized and simultaneously preventing further victimization. To this end we will press forward and continue to address abuse cases that are brought forward.

It is my hope that the ripples of this tragedy and the tremendous consequences will not be wasted. I pray the church and para-church organizations will repent for the dreadful handling of things — whether deliberately or out of naivety and ignorance — and offer a more responsible handling of sexual abuse and violence going forward. And I hope the next generation has less victims as a result.

On that note… many have prayed for Jeriah and his family, and continue to. Please also remember to pray for the victims. Religious communities have a tendency to band together to apply ointment on their own and each other’s wounds, and to mop up the proverbial spills around them, to the neglect of the victims of horror and terror whose lives have been forever altered.

Remember the victimized.


As always…

~ T ~



One of the things we are working toward November 2, 2019, at  THE GATHERING, is creating a place where we collectively invite God into our grief.  It is exclusively for Anabaptist survivors of sexual abuse, and their trusted support persons to join together for a day of acknowledging the generations of suffering. We will cry out to God, together. The invitation is to ‘come as you are’ in your raw brokenness, if that’s where you’re at, or in your healed togetherness. The itinerary is simple. It isn’t about ‘who’ or ‘how’; it is about Jesus and a safe place to meet, to heal another layer, together.

NOTE: Anyone over 18 who sexually assaulted someone – whether child or other adult – is not welcome. This does not mean they are not forgiven if they have repented. It means victims should not fear being confronted with the source of their trauma on such a vulnerable day. Security guards will be present to remove any who show up and are identified as offenders by the victims.

Until August 1, 2019, registration for the day’s events includes lunch and attendance to the evening concert with Jason Gray, whose music had brought hope and healing to countless victims. Songs like “The Wound is Where the Light Gets In“, “A Way to See in the Dark“, Sparrows“, “Nothing is Wasted“, and many more speak a language we understand.

(More information for potential attendees is available under THE GATHERING Registration and for non-attendees at THE GATHERING Information.)



If you are able to contribute to Generations Unleashed and our work with and for victims, you may donate via PayPal or e-transfer to Or visit Generations Unleashed Donate.

© Trudy Metzger 2019

Dirty Laundry that Stinks to High Heaven: Sexual Abuse in Christian Cultures (Part 1 of 2)

What inspired me to share the information in yesterday’s blog, Age of Consent & Sexual Assault, and the links I will provide over the next several posts, is several sexual abuse cases that took place in my cultural background.

Two in particular have my attention. One is more recent, the other a bit longer ago, but less than fifteen years ago. They appear to be linked through generational chains. I have not pursued information on this case (yet), nor have I spoken to any of the victims directly… what I know has recently come to me.

It is very likely that some of my readers will recognize the story, and if you find yourself feeling responsible to report the case, because you know too much…. Well, follow your conscience…

The case most influencing me is that of a 14-year-old having sexual relations with an adult Mennonite teacher, who also molested other children. (Of this type of scenario, I have been made aware of several separate cases, in Ontario, and in USA. I will write here only based on Canadian laws, as I am not familiar with USA laws, or state laws.)

The problem here was that, since the relationship with the teen was consensual, so the church treated it as fornication and a mutual consent affair. This allowed them, whether intentionally or unintentionally, to quickly treat it as sin for both parties, and apply church laws to ‘take care of it’. (To my knowledge the teacher who abused the children and engaged in inappropriate sexual relations with the student has not been reported or brought to legal justice That is a matter I still need to confirm. Those who have spoken with me about it, did not know for certain. But that is not really the point I am trying to make, it is about putting responsibility on the student, when the teacher has the power.)

Under no circumstances is it appropriate to put this on a 14-yr-old child, nor would it stand up in court. It would not stand in defense of the teacher, who is in a position of authority and would be held accountable even if it was an older student, because it is an abuse of power. Nor would the law accept that church leaders and others in positions of authority, who were aware of the inappropriate sexual relations, are innocent.

I am still in the process of determining my own moral/legal obligations, having recently been made aware of these details. When I know what I am required to do, I will do it. And in the event that it has already been reported and dealt with, my understanding is that I am not required to do anything further. However, because of the situation with the teen, there may still be a legal obligation on my part, and, again, I will do it if that is the case.

It is a tragedy that numerous similar scenarios are coming to light, and, even with multiple victims, it appears as though it has been quietly swept under the carpet of the church. It is important, and it cannot be stressed enough, that a perpetrator of sexual abuse be reported. To apply church discipline is a matter completely separate from the law, and in no way overrides the laws of our land, especially when it comes to protecting innocent children.

There are questions surrounding consequences for children who abuse children. According to the information I posted yesterday, children, ages 13 and under, are not charged unless they are in a position of authority and trust. My understanding is that if they are 12 or 13, they still need to be reported, so that they can get appropriate help, and it is just common sense to find help for all children who display obsession with sexualized behaviour.

In the case of 14 to 17 yr olds, they are typically charged as juveniles, and those 18 and over are charged and tried as adults.

Religious leaders, principals, school teachers, Sunday school teachers, and all those in a position of authority and trust, can be held to account for not reporting. However, all adults are required to report.

In a recent case (USA) a spouse who knew of abuse was also arrested, and in another case a priest was charged for knowingly covering abuse. More and more, I anticipate seeing this type of consequence for silence and turning a blind eye.

In Australia, Prime Minister Julia Gillard had recommended a Royal Commission into Child Sexual Abuse in all institutions, to determine how much cover up is happening. This includes, but is not limited to churches. If this were to happen in Canada, I am confident that what would come to light in the church would shock the world, and our communities, and it would cost the church. (Though it might also do some unexpected house cleaning.) I am saddened that this is the case.

I pray that we do some serious house cleaning before it comes to this. It would result in serious, and justified, attacks on Christianity.  And, undoubtedly, we would cry ‘Persecution’, but it would not be that at all.

Persecution is when we suffer for the sake of Christ, not for the sake of evil, corruption and iniquity hidden in the walls of the church, while declaring our own righteousness. That kind of attack is the result of our own godlessness.

1 Peter 3:13-18

New King James Version (NKJV)

Suffering for Right and Wrong

13 And who is he who will harm you if you become followers of what is good? 14 But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you are blessed. “And do not be afraid of their threats, nor be troubled.”[a] 15 But sanctify the Lord God[b] in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear; 16 having a good conscience, that when they defame you as evildoers, those who revile your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed. 17 For it is better, if it is the will of God, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.

Christ’s Suffering and Ours

18 For Christ also suffered once for sins, the just for the unjust, that He might bring us[c] to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive by the Spirit,

God forbid that we would continue to hide our sin and crimes, while judging the world for their ungodliness, and then pretending to suffer for the name of Christ when they judge our lies and abominations. That is blasphemous, at best.

If we continue to do this, we will stand in judgement for such pretences, I believe, far more than the ungodly who have never known Christ. We have known Him, and willingly defiled His name and His church–the body of Christ–to protect our pride.

And to those leaders who declare, “I didn’t know”, my question is, “Why? Why did you not know? What door are you afraid to open, for fear of the consequences?”

Ask God to show you the true state of things, and then be prepared to act on that, both biblically, and according to the laws of our land. God isn’t much for turning a blind eye, so He will show you if you are willing to know.

I could name numerous leaders who have been approached by victims, who have been told how bad it is, but have not gotten their hands bloody to ‘know’ the truth. They have chosen not to believe, and each time they hear it again, they do the same thing.

But God is calling some, including some who have done this in the past, to rise up, hear hearts, face the truth and be the channels for God’s grace and forgiveness to flow out to His people. It is a call to all Christian leaders who will hear and respond, not only those in my cultural background, but every denomination.

God is not pleased with what has been done. He is giving us this opportunity, as believers, to deal with our sins appropriately and according  to the Bible and the laws of the land. (None of the laws of the land, regarding Child Sexual Abuse, violate our biblical call to repentance and God’s justice, therefore we are bound biblically, to live in submission to those laws.)

If we do not obey those laws and repent, God will expose our sins and the cost will be far greater than anything we can imagine.

We can pretend that we are ever so holy, that we have it together and our life is a picture of true holiness, but as long as we hide sin in our churches, and refuse to protect our children, we are nothing more than a spiritual slum…

(c) Can Stock Photo

…To Be Continued…

© Trudy Metzger

Return to first post in Sexual Abuse Series

First Post in Spiritual Abuse Series

Church Leaders Convicted & Sentenced in Sexual Abuse Cover Up

What if church leaders, who cover up for sexual abuse, rape and molestation, could be charged and sentenced to prison? Apparently they can.On July 24, 2012, the highest ranking Catholic Church cleric was charged and convicted of child endangerment, for the cover up of child molestation and rape. (Read article here, at

Covering a crime is inexcusable. Always. Covering for a crime against a child is beyond inexcusable. And Christians covering up for crimes against innocent children, when Jesus clearly stated what should happen to people who offend little children (Matthew 18:6), is the most despicable of all cover ups.

It has long concerned me that leaders who hide victimization of children in the church, are (seemingly) not held to accountability. At least not in this life.

In recent news, including this case of the church leader, as well as the Sandusky cover up involving Joe Paterno at Penn State–a case that may or may not be accurately represented–it is obvious that leaders turning a blind eye is punishable by law. Granted, there is always the risk that the facts will be wrong, that things will not be as they appear, and innocent people will get caught, accused, and sentenced. That reality is unfortunate. But not as unfortunate as little children being raped and abused while adults look the other way.

This kind of situation can be argued both ways. People sympathize with the leaders who felt trapped and didn’t know what to do, maybe not certain if the facts were accurate. At the same time there’s the horrific crime against the innocent that leaves everyone feeling sorry for the victims, wondering if more could not have been done with what was known.

I get that there’s two sides. But standing idly by is inexcusable and allows criminal activity. If men and women are called to leadership, then this is a test of that leadership, and they need to rise up and face their fears, risking whatever it takes to do what is right. That’s what leaders do. And if they don’t, they’re not leaders.

I’m going to take it one step further. Whether we are leaders with a title or not, we have a duty to protect children and do what is right. If we are Christians, we are leaders, by virtue of doing the right thing, whether it’s popular or not. If we know that crimes are being committed, particularly against the innocent and helpless, we have a moral obligation to report that criminal activity. It’s not popular. I’ve done it. But it’s still the right thing to do.

Micah 6:8

New King James Version (NKJV)

He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the Lord require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?

Who knows… If leaders are asked to take ownership, if they are at risk of ‘taking the fall’ when they knowingly neglect to protect the innocent, maybe it will help break the silence in abuse cases…

© Trudy Metzger

Return to 1st post in Sexual Abuse Series

Old Shoes & Bad Habits

Back in April Tim threw out a pair of Kordan’s old running shoes. They were in bad shape. The kind that make you wonder, ‘where are that child’s parents?’ when you see them on another child.

Kordan, not ready to part with his shoes, reclaimed them from the top of the garbage and continued to wear them. Almost daily they were his shoes of choice, even though he had better ones to choose from.

On Friday, after school was out for the summer, Tim informed Kordan that his shoes were going to be tossed and they were not coming back. It wasn’t up for discussion

Kordan studied them a bit, before trying to negotiate and convince his daddy that they still had some miles left in them.  They got tossed.

Old shoes, old t-shirts, old underwear…. There is something familiar and comfortable about clothes that know our body, clothes that fit. Even if they are worn out, ‘holey’ and less than attractive.


Habits we form can be like that. Sometimes they start out as good habits—or at least with good intentions—much like brand new shoes. Other times they’re not even good to start, more like a pair of used shoes we might find at a second-hand store.

With time we become familiar in our habits, oblivious to the fact that they no longer serve their purpose, if they ever had one. We don’t realize that we would be better to develop new ones to replace the old.

We all have blind spots, and the more our weaknesses  link to our habits, the less likely that we will recognize them on our own. Sometimes we need help to see through it.


Recently, while chatting with a group of wives, one of them commented how her husband and sons wear their underwear until there’s nothing left but threads. Is this a male thing? (I have a husband and three boys…)

That discussion reminded me of adjusting to this part of marriage…. and doing my husband’s laundry. Week after week, I would wash the same t-shirts and underwear, and week after week they became more threadbare. I washed, folded and popped them in Tim’s drawer, expecting that one day he would notice and throw them out. Since they were his clothes I thought it inappropriate for me to do it.  But he continued wearing them, seemingly oblivious to the fact that they were wearing out.

When one pair of underwear was barely attached at the crotch—having almost turned into a mini-skirt—I decided to take matters into my own hands. I got a scissors and cut the final threads, then neatly folded them and slipped them into Tim’s drawer, expecting a good laugh in a few days.

I waited, thinking he would try them on one morning, only to discover a super-short skirt, and playfully scold me for my warped sense of humour. He never did.

I had waited patiently for a few days before I checked his drawer and the altered underwear were gone. That evening I asked Tim if he had found them.

Unfazed, he nodded with a chuckle and shrugged, “I just presumed they had worn through, so I threw them out.”


It’s much like that with bad habits. Even if we’re not aware that they’re not good for us, that something isn’t quite right, it’s easy to overlook how bad things are.

With old shoes, t-shirts and underwear, nothing too life-shattering will happen if they rip or tear. Our pride might be a bit bent out of shape, but that’s not the end of the world.

Our habits, on the other hand, impact us, and all those around us. They have the potential to destroy relationships, lives and leave us feeling exposed and naked, if they get out of control.

If we have friends in our lives who love us enough to help us see the truth, and protect us from ourselves, we are truly blessed. And if we’ll hear them, and take it to heart, we are wise, and better for it.

Overcoming bad habits takes time and dedication. Like Kordan and his old shoes, you may be tempted to go back to the trash, and reach for them. They’re comfortable. Each time you’re tempted, but choose instead to develop a new good habit, you will become stronger.

That said… it’s time for my walk. It’s a new habit I picked up a little while ago. Consistency and intentionality make all the difference in successfully adopting new good habits.

© Trudy Metzger 2012

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