A week ago I was contacted by ASAA stating that “communications with Generations Unleashed, both individually(individual board members) and organizationally(ASAA) will be on hold”, but no further explanation. This was the first I heard from anyone since I turned evidence over to Diane Langberg, other than two brief exchanges related to giving her access. It came with the usual confidentiality notice, and I chose to honour that, sharing it only with my husband, two pastors (and their wives), and one mentor.
Needless to say, it was jolting to be contacted by someone from USA, almost a week later, asking if the rumours are true. This individual had encountered two separate acquaintances of an ASAA board member, and was told that this board member shared details about the situation. (The member was named, however, I am choosing not to name him here.) It is disturbing to me that they are all not allowed to speak with me, but can freely share details that I – as a key player in this, and the one who offered the evidence – am not allowed to hear from them. This board member also had some less than positive things to say about me to these various individuals. Things that, to date, he has not said to my face. (So much for Matthew 18… No one has come to me directly with concerns yet.) Frankly, I’d rather hear things directly than from behind my back, but that is between him and God. I then heard this evening from others about conversations with board members – both the main board and advisory board – about the situation.
Until today, I have honoured the request for confidentiality, but am posting this to clear the air about rumours they started. The best way to stop a rumour is to tell the truth, so there you have it. Yes, ASAA has cut off communication with me and Generations Unleashed. I have been given no reason for this. No explanation. I contacted their ‘outside investigator’ – to whom I gave access to evidence – who responded that she is not allowed to discuss the case with me or anyone else. If I wasn’t the person who handed over the evidence, that would make absolute sense to me. She is highly professional, highly regarded and – I am told – amazing at what she does. I can’t imagine she would ask for this without legitimate reason.
I have since also contacted an ‘outside investigator’ – a lawyer/mediator who specializes in conflict and works with sexual abuse in churches – to see if he would be willing to get involved and look at the evidence, including the current handling of the investigation. My relationship with this individual holds less conflict of interest than ASAA’s relationship with Diane L, who reportedly advised in setting up ASAA and is also a prof where one of the board members studies. I am hoping this second outside investigator will be help guide through the lack of communication, and help me see if I have completely misunderstood the evidence. My intent is redemptive here, not adversarial.
With communication being cut off, and no explanation or conversation leading up to it, this is one of only two options I have. The other is to publicly post all evidence, on every aspect of this including all private conversations that took place in the process of addressing things with the pastor, originally. I am not ready to do the latter yet.
For now, I am simply confirming that, yes, communication has been completely cut off. I do not know what their plans are. I do know this is not the end.
And I also know that the day before this communication came through, I wrote what you see in the following screenshots. This was in response to a group who were hurt and frustrated that a meeting was cancelled by ASAA, which they had offered to hold. There was confusion and hurt feelings, and I was tagged in the comments even though I was not part of the group planning to attend or watch via livestream (or whatever their final plans were). Had I not been tagged, I probably would have missed the details, but as it stood, I felt I had no choice but to respond. (I was given permission by the couple with whom the meeting was arranged to reference that meeting in this blog.) This is what I wrote in response to the concern and frustration:
After being contacted, I had a conversation with a limited audience of people today – and not those already frustrated by cancelled meetings – regarding this, sharing only the barest of details, sharing that communication is halted without explanation, and asked them to pray.
By this evening I was contacted again, and that is when I decided to address the rumours publicly. They are true. It could be for the best of reasons and intentions, as one pastor in today’s conversation said. I don’t know. I’d find that easier to believe if the board was respecting the process rather than cutting off communication and then spreading rumours directly traced back to them, not through some long grapevine. (And before you ask if I have confirmed with them, remember I am not allowed to contact them. I did call one board member to clarify a concern *not* related to the details of the case, thinking surely they can answer whether two logistical questions, and was thoroughly reprimanded. And I also sent several emails in the first 24 hours of shock and stress.) In any case, when communication is ‘paused’ – whether as a form of pressure or punishment, or to protect the integrity of the investigation – it would be wise for those imposing it to also hold to that same standard I am asked to honour. (Not to mention that if they can’t talk to me but can talk to others… well, that just makes no sense.)
I break silence today because I learned ASAA is already talking. Just as, on June 8, when I had been asked to be silent, I honoured it until one of them was involved with constructing a confession, and they were not silent. So today I speak to tell the truth, os you know it is not rumour – you are getting it directly from me.
Regardless what happens next, I know where I stand. As I said in my Facebook status yesterday – before I knew any of the rumours circulating:
I will say it again, amid the storm and the crazy…
If I am wrong, I will do two things:
1. I will say I am sorry
2. I will repent
But I will not say it to appease the masses. And I will not say it for personal standing. And I will not say it because of a guilt trip. I will say it because God and people with an agenda for truth – not those looking to defend or protect power or abuse – have spoken and shown me that I am wrong. And no one can do that apart from having seen the full evidence *and* communicated with all involved parties, and lined up [what is said] with the evidence. Blindly trying to convince someone they have it wrong is not effective, and listening to it is not responsible.
I also maintain that the only thing I want now, and ever wanted, is to bring accountability, ownership and change going forward.
Joan of Arc was burned at the stake. She no less led her people to victory. Sometimes the end of a warrior is the necessary reality for change. We should not fear such an end.
If I were to go back to the beginning, would I change some things? Absolutely! But I stand firm on what I saw and heard, and the writings and evidence I hold. It cannot be talked away. It can be addressed. It can be ‘owned up to’ and it can be forgiven. But it can’t be made to not exist. I pray it is addressed, so that healing can come.
As for this present pause, for the most part I am choosing to believe that good things still are and will be happening, all around, and that redemption will come.
~ T ~
© Trudy Metzger 2018
“Open your mouth for those who cannot speak, for the rights of all who are destitute.”
~ T ~