Transitions and change to my work as a trauma survivor advocate

In the past few years, the focus of my work with Generations Unleashed has shifted quite dramatically, though it is still very survivor-support oriented. It began with the car crash in 2019 limiting my ability to carry on with seminars as I had been, and then Covid hit. Since that time, I have continued to support survivors online, as well as supporting others — pastors, friends etc — as they walk with survivors. But another shift began soon after the crash. I had long told Tim that one of my goals (on top of returning to doing training seminars) is to be available for victims pressing charges, and for law enforcement, lawyers, DA’s and the victim’s legal teams. I didn’t make this known publicly. By 2020-2021 the requests came in, asking if I would consider being an expert witness in several sexual assault cases, should they choose to call me.

To date, any role as witness has been with evidence to offer. While I offer expert testimony based on my experience and education, I have not negotiated a role as a paid expert witness for a variety of reasons. Since early 2020, all my work has been pro bono, and I completely stopped drawing a wage from Generations Unleashed. I do not wish it ever to be said that we do what we do for the money. It never has been the case. It never will be the case.

I have been considered an advocate in the world of survivors – a title I did not choose but have done my best to fulfill — and continue to do what I can to support survivors. Advocacy, as it is commonly held, is not an identity I choose or carry, but I will continue to support survivors of trauma in any way possible. My heart is to make a positive impact in all areas of supporting survivors and, as always, I am focused on truth, justice and the wellbeing of those who have been seriously harmed.

My work continues to be empowered by my faith in God, even while much of the practical work on this front is not ‘religious’. I believe, without question, that God has called me to continue to expose the injustices and spiritual wickedness in high places, in church. (I recognize it exists in non-religious affiliations and organizations too. That is not my calling). Part of my calling is supporting some of the court cases taking place. I was free to decline the invitation and be subpoenaed in one of two of the cases. I chose willingly to enter the fray, knowing it will cost me significantly to do so. I am encouraged to see cases that were ‘dismissed’ (as a result of LE trying to appease ‘church’ and/or b/c ‘good men’ came forward on behalf of offenders) being revived and unrepentant offenders tried for their crimes. Offenders who lie and cover up are, among all offenders, most dangerous. I unapologetically support the prosecution process and offer my service.

This work is much less public than the past, as I am often not free to speak about details. Rumours trickle out. People reach out and ask questions. But often there is little I am free to say. This is not due to lack of transparency, but rather to give cases their due process.

As I continue to do what God has called me to do, I ask for your ongoing prayers and support through this season. I wish to honour God with my life. I pray for a thick skin and a tender heart in the face of criticism, and the humility to own my failures when I make mistakes. I welcome you to reach out with thoughts, questions or concerns.

My goal is to be transparent, always, with those who walk beside me. I know for some the fact that I am giving myself and my time to legal processes may be a stumbling block. You may no longer be willing to partner in prayer and encouragement. I accept that as the cost for what I must do, though I do regret any confusion or hurt it may cause. Especially to survivors of trauma.

The nature of this present work is also such that most months we receive less than $20 in donations. As a result, Tim and I have largely been funding the costs of carrying Generations Unleashed out of pocket, the past few years. I understand that some will not be comfortable donating, knowing funds will go toward my work supporting survivors in legal proceedings. I am choosing to be transparent so that you are free to make that choice, with no manipulation or without feeling in hindsight that your giving was not used where your heart and faith are invested.

If you are willing to support this work with a one time donation, or with a monthly donation, knowing what I have shared, we would appreciate your support. Donations can be made at: http://www.generationsunleashed.com/donate on the donations page.

Your prayers are always appreciated. I will be called to testify (as a witness, not as a paid expert witness) several times across the USA in the next few weeks, if all goes as scheduled. I would especially appreciate your prayers in this. It is emotionally exhausting work, and hours of testimony remains exhausting with ongoing post-concussion-syndrome as the result of my 2019 accident. I still very much limit the amount of work I do as a result of this, but feel compelled to give what I am able on this front. I trust God to meet my needs on every front.

Thank you for walking with me… with us.

As always…

Love,

~ T ~

© Trudy Metzger 2022

Should survivors of sexual abuse or domestic to go to church leaders to report and/or seek support?

Survivors of SEXUAL ABUSE and DOMESTIC VIOLENCE in ANABAPTIST COMMUNITY:

Should professionals advise survivors of sexual abuse or domestic to go to church leaders to report and/or seek support? Would you advise them to go to leaders, based on your experience? Why, or why not?

In the past I’ve said (and probably will again in the future) that it is not fair to put it on leaders to counsel victims of sexual abuse and domestic violence. They have no training for it. They are not counsellors or psychologists. Not usually, anyway. And how do they effectively support 1 in 3 to 4 women and 1 in 5 to 6 who have been sexually abused, and the domestic violence cases besides? Is it reasonable to expect this? Is it even wise?

Some say it is their duty. Others say it does more harm than good to have those with limited (or no) training and knowledge on these topics be the ‘go to’.  I have my thoughts and opinions, formulated through ten years of working with sexual abuse and occasionally domestic violence victims.

I would love to hear your thoughts, either for or against. To take the survey visit: Conservative Anabaptist Leaders’ Response to Sexual Abuse and Domestic Violence. The survey is completely anonymous.

As always…
Love,
~ T ~

© Trudy Metzger 2019

Supporting Survivors & Offenders… And Former offender shares his story

Tomorrow and Friday, November 28-29, we are doing a training here in Elmira, Ontario. Thursday’s focus is on supporting survivors of abuse well, and Friday is supporting offenders responsibly.

This will be the third time we’ve had a former offender coming for an interview to share parts of his story in an interview on the second day. Both previous times the feedback was very positive, with attendees saying it is helpful to hear from someone who offended who takes full ownership, especially sex abuse victims.

Even so, please be aware that for some survivors this can be triggering. We do not recommend you register if that is your situation. 

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While survivors of sexual abuse are welcome, we do not advertise this training as being for survivors. It can be hard for survivors to hear behavioural symptoms of abuse talked about in a more clinical matter of fact way. By this I mean that conferences are designed to support the abused, and acknowledge their suffering, and we speak gently to the victims. Training, on the other hand, addresses some of the pitfalls and risks associated with helping victims, and negative behaviours victims exhibit. One example is the manipulation that many victims adopt to survive, and how this can become a dysfunctional part of the mentor/mentee relationship. We discuss how to manage those well when supporting survivors, and in such a way that it does not damage both parties.

Though the gentleman makes no excuses for his choices — he owns those — it can still be triggering for survivors to hear someone who has offended share their backstory.  In the interview I ask him about his childhood, and how it shaped him, because early life experience inevitably influences us, our identity (or perception of ourselves — not our true identity), and the trajectory of our life. As part of his sharing, we will talk about extreme sexual addictions and his journey to facing those addictions and taking ownership.

The more we understand this, the more we can work toward both prevention and healing. Is there a place for those who have offended in the Kingdom of God? How do help them responsibly? What can we do to help those who have offended without compromising the wellbeing of victims and the vulnerable? We will talk about offenders’ needs — accountability, consequences (different from ‘punishment’, though church and legal consequences can be part of that), and community of support. 

Training days are typically attended by a small group — 15 to 20 individuals is common — which is great for discussion and interaction. If you prefer smaller groups with vibrant Q&A discussions, and opportunity to contribute, this is a great event to attend.

To ensure there are no surprises for survivors who consider attending, the former offender plans to serve lunch both days.  However, he will only be in sessions on Thursday. 

To register: Generations Unleashed Events

Hope to see you there!

As always…

Love,
~ T ~

© Trudy Metzger 2019