It is quite a feeling to wake up one morning and realize you have officially placed your soul in front of the world, naked. It’s been a process, the peeling back of the layers, to get to this place. Sometimes a painful process, sometimes exhilarating and sometimes just ‘plain old normal’ and peaceful. All have been good; all have been necessary. For today would would have felt overwhelming if one of these things had been missing.
I was tired last night, but it felt a bit like New Year’s Eve, so I played Angry Birds to keep myself awake. Seconds before the clock said 12:00am, I shut everything down and waited. I posted a short status update: “Today is 3/3/15.” It’s all that would come to me, believe it or not, in a moment like that–excited and tired.
Tim, who had dozed off, as he should have, opened his eyes, “How long now?” he asked.
“It’s past midnight now,” I said. He leaned over, gave me a kiss, whispered, “Congratulations!” and he was gone again. It took me less than 60 seconds to join him in dreamland.
To wake up this morning with that ‘Christmas morning’ feeling, or, better yet, “Easter morning”, took me a bit off guard. Between 2 Gods has been on pre-order since January 30, and the publisher, my friends and I have been busy sharing about it. It’s almost like it’s been out there for over a month. In fact, this week, as people started to receive their orders, and private reviews trickled in, it all became very real. With that reality came the encouragement of countless people identifying and encouraging me to keep pressing on. People from my former church denomination–some still in it–contacted me, also encouraging me, appreciating that I had not bashed my culture, and that I had not shared the abuse scenes graphically.
This morning notifications popped up on my iPhone.. messages on Twitter, on FB, in email… And the first one I opened was from a conservative Mennonite pastor. If I hadn’t been so excited, I think the tears would have started. I could feel them spilling all inside of my heart, washing out things that were there so long, but they wouldn’t reach my eyes. (Unlike now, as I try to put into words how that feels, to have a pastor–whose wife wears a veil/covering–bless what I have done. I will hold on to that for a great long while, and thank God that, on this day, it was the first thing I read. And, of course, now I’m sitting in a coffee shop where an outburst of tears might distress those around me, so I hold back again…)
Watching the Bestseller rankings rise and fall on Amazon has been fun. Making it to #1 in main category, and #1458 in all of Canada is a big deal to a newbie. (You seasoned authors have the right to laugh; you know exactly what I’m talking about, if you did the Amazon scene.) And staying on the Amazon Bestsellers for all of the 32 days since opening for pre-order was also thrilling.
We are humans with feelings and emotions; we should be excited about milestones and achievements. Truth be told, there will come a time when the memory of these moments will carry us through hard times, and remind us that we can trust God. It’s one of the advantages of years of experience; we see God’s faithfulness to redeem hard times, and we celebrate the good times, but always we hold on to His promises.
Whatever lies ahead, of good or of pain, these days of reading reviews, men and women alike connecting with my story, have blessed my heart in ways I’ll never forget. I’ll always remember the the first people to read Between 2 Gods, and offer that feedback were a couple, Dave and Becky, who spoke truth over me for almost a week before the official release. I’ll always remember that the first message on this day was from a conservative Mennonite pastor, and that he thanked and blessed me. And I’ll never forget the first three Amazon reviews were 5-star, with kind words, promoting the truth of Jesus.
I’ll always remember that my Heavenly Father smiled on this day, this project, and that He called me, and I answered. And that’s really all that matters.
Thank you all for the incredible support you have showed. Whether words of encouragement, sharing links, or reading Between 2 Gods, you have blessed me, and blessed others. If no one was willing to read it, it still would have brought much healing to my heart, to go through the process, the tears, the prayers, and the struggle. But hearing from others, knowing they’re finding hope and healing in reading it, and finding Jesus in their stories, is my greatest reward; it is what I longed for most!
My heart is full, my spirit dances!
~ T ~
© Trudy Metzger
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