Interested in a free Kindle Fire HD6? (Who isn’t?)

On the heels of my recent posts on how to spot a perpetrator, and healthy responses to sexual behaviour in children, I wrote a blog on how to recognize victims…. Well! It disappeared! So I tried to rewrite it, and it fell flat. So, instead I’m posting an opportunity to enter for a Free Kindle Fire HD, when you purchase ‘Between 2 Gods; a Memoir of Abuse in the Mennonite Community’ through eLectio Publishing.

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If you’ve been thinking of buying my memoir,  here’s a good reason to do so now… Because until August 15 you are automatically entered to win a Kindle Fire HD when you purchase a paperback. And, if you haven’t been thinking about buying a copy of Between 2 Gods, maybe now you should… because if you win the Kindle, you will be able to read a kindle version of my book  that comes with every paperback purchased through eLectio Publishing. And you can share the paperback… but only if you want to of course.

All the best in the draw! And please let me know if you win!

Love,
~ T ~

© Trudy Metzger

The day Heaven Knelt in the Sand…

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(….)
I was confronted with love, so pure and unadulterated, I almost couldn’t absorb it. Deep love, for me. The God of heaven, kneeling before me—positioning Himself as my servant—and writing in the sand to scatter my accusers. The God of heaven, looking up at me to say, “I have no condemnation to offer you. Go, you are free from the sin that had you bound.”

The God of heaven who disregarded the law—even broke it in the eyes of those religious ones—to show me love, asked for nothing in return. No money. No sexual favours. No strict adherence to any law, for this freedom to be mine.

Love: a gentle offer, a quiet invitation. Yet, a bold confrontation of all I had believed, demanding a response; bold, only because of its stark contrast to my beliefs and experience. It defied almost everything I knew, and to accept it required trust; a thing that was destroyed in me, almost immediately after my birth. How was I to trust Him, a strange God? And would it last? …

To read entire blogpost: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thepangeablog/2015/03/26/2-gods/#ixzz3VV5g1528

Love

~ T ~

© Trudy Metzger

Between 2 Gods Facebook Page

To Donate: Generations Unleashed (Help Victims of Sexual Abuse Churches
(Tax Receipts will automatically be issued for all donations over $20)

One Day Giveaway: World Book Day (Contest Closed)

The Contest is Now Closed and the winners are: Sara Reimer (paperback) and Talitha Lepp (Kindle). Thank you to all who entered!

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This morning I discovered that today is World Book Day, so I did a quick search to see what it’s all about. In short, it’s a celebration of all things ‘books and reading’, and if you want to do more I suggest a Google search of ‘What is world book day’, which gives you better results for today than simply using ‘World Book Day’ for your search.

To celebrate the reader–that’s you–I am doing a giveaway of a Kindle version of Between 2 Gods, and one hard copy. Simply send an email to (Contest Closed: Email has been removed) with ‘World Book Day Giveaway’ in the subject line, and all your contact info in the body, with a short ‘blurb’ about why you should win.

That’s all there is to it, there’s nothing more….

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Available in Canada, USA, Mexico, United Kingdom, Australia and New Zealand. Must be 18 years or older to qualify. No purchase necessary. Duty fees may apply if shipped internationally; these are the sole responsibility of the recipient

Love

~ T ~

© Trudy Metzger

Between 2 Gods Facebook Page

To Donate: Generations Unleashed (Help Victims of Sexual Abuse Churches

(Tax Receipts will automatically be issued for all donations over $20)

Soul Stripped Bare, I Stand Before You, Dancing

It is quite a feeling to wake up one morning and realize you have officially placed your soul in front of the world, naked. It’s been a process, the peeling back of the layers, to get to this place. Sometimes a painful process, sometimes exhilarating and sometimes just ‘plain old normal’ and peaceful. All have been good; all have been necessary. For today would would have felt overwhelming if one of these things had been missing.

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I was tired last night, but it felt a bit like New Year’s Eve, so I played Angry Birds to keep myself awake. Seconds before the clock said 12:00am, I shut everything down and waited. I posted a short status update: “Today is 3/3/15.” It’s all that would come to me, believe it or not, in a moment like that–excited and tired.

Tim, who had dozed off, as he should have, opened his eyes, “How long now?” he asked.

“It’s past midnight now,” I said.  He leaned over, gave me a kiss, whispered, “Congratulations!” and he was gone again. It took me less than 60 seconds to join him in dreamland.

To wake up this morning with that ‘Christmas morning’ feeling, or, better yet, “Easter morning”, took me a bit off guard. Between 2 Gods has been on pre-order since January 30, and the publisher, my friends and I have been busy sharing about it. It’s almost like it’s been out there for over a month. In fact, this week, as people started to receive their orders, and private reviews trickled in, it all became very real. With that reality came the encouragement of countless people identifying and encouraging me to keep pressing on. People from my former church denomination–some still in it–contacted me, also encouraging me, appreciating that I had not bashed my culture, and that I had not shared the abuse scenes graphically.

This morning notifications popped up on my iPhone.. messages on Twitter, on FB, in email… And the first one I opened was from a conservative Mennonite pastor. If I hadn’t been so excited, I think the tears would have started. I could feel them spilling all inside of my heart, washing out things that were there so long, but they wouldn’t reach my eyes. (Unlike now, as I try to put into words how that feels, to have a pastor–whose wife wears a veil/covering–bless what I have done. I will hold on to that for a great long while, and thank God that, on this day, it was the first thing I read. And, of course, now I’m sitting in a coffee shop where an outburst of tears might distress those around me, so I hold back again…)

Watching the Bestseller rankings rise and fall on Amazon has been fun. Making it to #1 in main category, and #1458 in all of Canada is a big deal to a newbie. (You seasoned authors have the right to laugh; you know exactly what I’m talking about, if you did the Amazon scene.) And staying on the Amazon Bestsellers for all of the 32 days since opening for pre-order was also thrilling.

We are humans with feelings and emotions; we should be excited about milestones and achievements. Truth be told, there will come a time when the memory of these moments will carry us through hard times, and remind us that we can trust God. It’s one of the advantages of years of experience; we see God’s faithfulness to redeem hard times, and we celebrate the good times, but always we hold on to His promises.

Whatever lies ahead, of good or of pain, these days of reading reviews, men and women alike connecting with my story, have blessed my heart in ways I’ll never forget. I’ll always remember the the first people to read Between 2 Gods, and offer that feedback were a couple, Dave and Becky, who spoke truth over me for almost a week before the official release. I’ll always remember that the first message on this day was from a conservative Mennonite pastor, and that he thanked and blessed me. And I’ll never forget the first three Amazon reviews were 5-star, with kind words, promoting the truth of Jesus.

I’ll always remember that my Heavenly Father smiled on this day, this project, and that He called me, and I answered. And that’s really all that matters.

Thank you all for the incredible support you have showed. Whether words of encouragement, sharing links, or reading Between 2 Gods, you have blessed me, and blessed others. If no one  was willing to read it, it still would have brought much healing to my heart, to go through the process, the tears, the prayers, and the struggle. But hearing from others, knowing they’re finding hope and healing in reading it, and finding Jesus in their stories, is my greatest reward; it is what I longed for most!

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My heart is full, my spirit dances!

Love

~ T ~

© Trudy Metzger

Between 2 Gods Facebook Page

To Donate: Generations Unleashed (Help Victims of Sexual Abuse Churches

(Tax Receipts will automatically be issued for all donations over $20)

Between 2 Gods: a Quest for Hope & Truth, in the midst of Abuse & Violence

Announcement: For those interested, the cover of my book, Between 2 Gods, just came out this week. Last night I set up a Facebook page where you can join, and be part of prizes and giveaways that will be announced after the book is released, March 3, 2015. I am going to try to be creative about prizes, and go beyond giving out free books… so don’t miss out! On the BETWEEN 2 GODS page you can also get updates and share your thoughts and comments, or ask questions. (Click on the photo or the red link to visit the page.)

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It’s happening! It is really, truly happening! The dream I dragged around, from place to place, at age twelve– in the form of lined-paper-leftover-school-books, hoping one day to publish my very own book–has become a reality, at long last.

I mentioned it casually, a time or two, in past blogs, I believe, but now we are doing the countdown. I’ve spent much of this past year writing my book, and now, here we are, only 45 days from the release date. That’s six weeks and three days. I’m sure I could find the minutes and hours if I wanted to do a Google search. But, hey, who’s counting? There are so many things I need to do, between now and then, that sitting here ‘counting the time’ isn’t really an option. Every now and then, however, it hits me in the gut, that feeling of anticipation, fear and everything else in the mix: It’s almost here!

And I am most definitely excited. One doesn’t have dreams at twelve, that come to life at forty-five without feeling that excitement. The part of the dream that I would never have imagined at twelve, is the content in my book: my life story… the stuff I was living, right then. I tell it as it was: raw. Though i have tried to  buff up the edges a bit, and withhold a bit of the harshness without altering the accuracy. Of the people who have read it, the response has been positive and encouraging, but feedback has consistently come back with the truth that it’s a lot to take in. Captivating, they tell me, yes, but jolting.

I’ve been honest in my telling of it.  Most readers will go through a whole gamut of emotions. One person, who does not come from a background of abuse, wrote about the anger she felt. She raged at abuse, done in God’s name. It was the fist such response and it shocked me, and scared me a bit.  Some wrote how they couldn’t stop laughing at certain places, in spite of harshness in other places. Yet others expressed grief and sadness. But all found the thread of hope intertwined with what could be a very dark story.  And then my heart was happy!

I would also caution that my memoir is not ideal for a young audience. While I have written discreetly enough to  disguise particularly heavy scenes, relating to sexual abuse, it is still too much for the young reader. If I had my way about it, no one under eighteen would get their hands on it without supervision, if at all, But, then, the Bible is full of some pretty difficult reading too, so I will leave this in God’s hands. I know I read things in the Bible, knowing good and well it was x-rated information and, in hindsight, I only wish I would have had someone safe to talk to about it. So, more than withholding my book from those under eighteen, my prayer is that they will find someone safe to talk to, particularly readers  who identify with my story, and work through their own pain.  And, given statistics, that identification will be the higher percent of the population, either from personal experience or a loved one close to them.

The previous paragraph, that’s a ‘warning’ that some of my readers will almost certainly be offended by some of the content in my book. To be honest, it was a battle for me too, to tell it as it really was. So much so that one day I said to Tim, “That’s it! I can’t do it! The book is off!” Tim calmly supported me, and gave me some time to reconsider. When I ‘recovered’, I spent some time asking God to help me say it in a way that is not destructive… to tell the truth, but not harm or destroy anyone in its wake.  And then I found peace. The verse, in Titus 1:15, plays in my mind: ‘to the pure all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; but even their mind and conscience are defiled”, and I realize it is not all on me.

If you find yourself offended by the content, I’m glad. You should be. I am too. And when it makes you feel sick to your stomach, imagine the little toddler who lives it, whose very spirit is offended by the darkness, and who has no voice to fight back, and no one to tell about it. Never mind words to express it. (If I had told someone safe at three, the things I saw and experienced, I might well have had a different story! But God had a redemption plan!)  Unlike you and I, who get to make adult choices, these toddlers and children simply absorb that offense, deep into their spirits, and carry it with them through life. I plead with you to be offended for their sake, and educate yourself for their sake. And please don’t tell me, or others like me, to not tell the truth.  Don’t silence us, because it silences the voices of others like us–babies, toddlers, children and teens–who today suffer what we suffered back then. And then fight for them. You can yell at me, if you need to , to express your frustration with my bold telling of my story. I’ll work through that pain. But they have no words, no voice and none who will hear them. Many, if not most, lack the gifts I have–people who care and listen, and a way to form words, in black and white–to get the darkness out of their spirits.

Instead, it tangles itself, like untamed tentacles, around and into the very fiber of their spirits and identity, forcing them to believe that ‘this is who I am’.. that ‘this thing done to me, defines me’… ‘this is all I have to offer’… and so they remain in bondage to that pain. Not long ago, again, a young woman looked at me and said, “I start to feel as though I was made to be used”. That’s the darkness speaking! You were made for so much more! We were made for so much more! I was made for so much more! That truth has to become personal, for freedom to come!

And that’s the darkness against which I cry in my memoir. That’s the voice I try to share–the unheard toddler, the lost teen, the wandering adult–because they cannot speak. And with their cry, told through the eyes of my own experience, I tell my journey vulnerably, offering Hope. I share with the world the wonder of the One who never lost sight of who He created me to be, even when I had lost all sense of connection to Him, or the child He created.

It has not been easy, telling the truth and reliving it, but I’d do it again, no matter what lies ahead, knowing it will bring hope and freedom to even one person. Just one. If a million strip me for it, and one writes a ‘thank you for helping me’ note–and someone will–then I am committed to thanking God for this incredible opportunity.

You, my friends, have been a source of encouragement through 2014, as I plodded through the ‘muck’ of that writing process. You carried me through your notes, your prayers, your love. And, speaking of prayers, a few of you wrote to say you pray for me every single day!! Can I tell you how much that shocked me and blessed me?! To pray, now and then, is truly a blessing! To pray every day… every day!… That’s breathtaking.  Thank you!

My prayer for each of you is that God will bless you in ways beyond your wildest imaginations and expectations in 2015. For many  of us 2014 was a difficult and painful year, for various reasons. Some of us it was the emotional strain of life–in my case ministry and writing–for some it was the loss of jobs, and finances, and for quite a few it was loss of family and loved ones. I could list a lot of friends who suffered such loss in 2014, and whose grief spills generously into 2015. Yes, it was a hard year…

My prayer is for blessing, peace, healing and restoration in the midst of the ‘stuff of life’, for each one of you! Thank you for blessing my life! My prayer is that in 2015, more than ever, I will be a blessing to you!

Love,

~ T ~

 

© Trudy Metzger

Get updates on Between 2 Gods (Memoir scheduled for release on March 3, 2015)

To Donate: Generations Unleashed, and Help Victims of Sexual Abuse in the Church

(Tax Receipts will automatically be issued for all donations over $20)

Trudy’s YouTube Channel

Return to First Blog: September 2010, “Running on Empty”

Return to first post in Sexual Abuse Series

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Return to the First Post in ‘Abigail’s Story’ Series