Sexual Abuse & Violence: A Few Unpopular Thoughts (Part 4)


Homosexuality is not Sexual Abuse, within the context of Childhood Sexual Abuse, but it is the abuse of sexuality, according to God’s original plan and intent. And, since I have shared some thoughts from the perspective of the church’s response, I want to speak to the other side.

When I addressed it previously, I pretty much gave a free ride to the homosexual subculture, and a ticket to scream ‘I’m a victim of the church’ and blame childhood experience for choosing the lifestyle later. That was not my intended message, and that’s not a good place to leave it. Not for the church or the sub-culture.

It’s unlikely that the larger percentage of those who choose the gay/homosexual lifestyle would cash in on that ride or that ticket. To do so would violate one core ‘argument’ they present–that they were ‘born this way’ and can’t help it. And one of their most famous questions, if not the most famous, is, ‘If God hates homosexuality, why does He create homosexuals?’

The answer is less complicated than it may seem. God doesn’t create homosexuals. He creates human beings with sex drives. How we each choose to manage that sex drive, in spite of childhood experience and the church’s failings, is entirely up to us.

A little personal ownership, regardless of temptations we face, would eliminate that question. But, in today’s world, ownership and responsibility are bad words–with way too many letters to be effective, in my opinion. (It’s the last thing that comes to mind when I stub my toe.)

The tragic impact of sin has left our bodies imperfect, it has scarred our spirits and our minds.  And I certainly don’t profess to have all the answers on a theological or scientific front. I do know that an entire ‘movement’ or subculture turning to homosexuality is not a scenario worthy of the excuse of being born that way. It’s a movement, a rebellion. If that were not the case, why this sudden flood of people claiming it in an era when it is given so much power? We are being fed lies, and a desensitized generation is being drawn in.

Making excuses for sin, and  not taking ownership for personal choices and behaviours, is one of the biggest curses of all times, and it dates back to the Garden of Eden, to Adam’s first sin. Granted, Adam didn’t say ‘I was born this way’, the popular excuse today. But he used an excuse that showed the same lack of ownership, “God, this woman You gave me…” Either way, it is avoiding accountability for personal choices and responsibility.

That is where I stand, based on God’s word, and a little logic takes me to the same conclusion. Embracing the homosexual lifestyle is a choice. And, since sexuality is more spiritual than physical, to surrender to the lifestyle is to surrender to a spirit, or spirituality, that is at war with God.

Biblically, there is no other conclusion on the matter, that I can come to. Without apology, I embrace God’s Word as the final authority on all matters.

What then, is the answer? We are called to love with grace, and take a stand against sin, to confront it in fellow believers (Matthew 18), and judge sin without judging the sinner. What does this look like? How do we live it?

The ‘how’ of this is pretty personal, but Jesus does give some direction in Matthew 18:15-17. He instructs us to go directly to the person caught in sin, and confront the sin, one-on-one. If they repent, we leave it there. If not, we go to leaders and confront again. If the individual does not repent, then leaders are to expose the sin and we are to view them as we would anyone else who does not know Christ—as someone who needs Jesus. Those who are unrepentant should still be loved.

The person in sin may well become angry and declare you to be ‘intolerant’ and abusive, because they don’t want to deal with their own hearts. Even so, we are required to walk in love, and live in obedience to God, even if we are hated for it.

Note: for the most outstanding message ever preached on Homosexuality, visit Woodside Bible Fellowship and search the Archives Here for ‘Homosexuality‘. Kirk Durston preaches with grace and truth in a way that is seldom heard. A very touching message.

© Trudy Metzger 2012

For more thoughts on this topic, if you are new to my blog: Sexual Abuse & Violence a few Unpopular Thoughts Part 2

Return to 1st post in Sexual Abuse Series

Sexual Abuse & Violence: A Few Unpopular Thoughts (Part 1)

This post is not likely going to be the one that makes me famous. At least not with many. I’ve decided to air my unpopular thoughts, to get them out in the open and leave no one second-guessing where I stand on some basic views of sexuality… and the church.

The popular views of society are offensive to me. I don’t embrace them. In general, society has taken the path of ‘anything goes’, where no one needs to take personal ownership or responsibility. This, to such an extreme that even perpetrators who molest children are given an ‘orientation’ title, rather than calling it what it is: brutality, evil and violence against children. No, we have to protect the perpetrator. Heaven forbid that we would say they are perverted, selfish and—that word we don’t use anymore—‘evil’ and sinful. We might hurt their feelings and scar their identity, lowering their self-esteem. God forbid! Now they are ‘oriented’ with a ‘preference for children’. Seriously? Never mind that every child impacted by their ‘orientation’ will struggle through life, brutally scarred. (Read  ‘Common Characteristics of Individuals with Pedophilia’. For more information google it–there’s lots to read on it.)

Since when do we need to babysit the feelings of adults, and avoid the truth because it might hurt the perpetrator, at the expense of little children? Is there not something wrong with that picture? Yes, perpetrators need help, they need someone to work through that stuff–I have a heart for perps–but to justify and polish it will not help them, nor demand accountability. All the while kids are losing their identities at the hands of evil men and women. Has the whole world gone mad?

I probably am not going to be too popular in some conservative Christian circles, either. I’m okay with that too, because, frankly, I’m a bit embarrassed on both fronts—society and the church. While society has erred on one extreme, the church has done so on several fronts.

On the one hand the church–and I know I am generalizing–has judged harshly and quickly, anyone who is caught in sexual sin, whether premarital sex, extramarital affairs or homosexuality. On the other hand, some have softened the truth to make it more palatable for those who wish to pursue these lifestyles, or sins, as they are unpopularly called in the Bible. Yet, regardless which way a church’s pendulum swings on this, all of these situations are the result of free will and personal choices made by consenting adults, out of a God-given right to choose. What appals me most is that we pay so much attention to adult behaviour—and I’m not saying we should disregard it—while we all but turn a blind eye to the plight of children in the church. That is offensive to me.

In self-righteous arrogance I have heard people say of child abuse, “That does not happen in my church!” or “That is very rare in our culture, almost unheard of.” And in the next breath the very person making the declaration, when I ask a direct question, confesses to either being a victim or a perpetrator.

Do we really believe it does not exist, or is it that we are terrified to admit that what was done to us was quite possibly done to a large percentage of the church population? Or, perhaps, we are afraid there are many more perpetrators who have hidden their sins against children, and we really cannot trust people around us. We are terrified of what it would mean, if we were to discover that our system is not working, and we have missed the mark. Maybe we are afraid that the things we were party to as children, maybe even instigators of, in our innocence, has been carried on by our peers, our friends and our relatives in adulthood. We fear the cost of freedom.

The consequence is that our children are left spiritually and sexually vulnerable. The sins of the fathers, that have not been exposed and repented of in the past, are carried on, from generation to generation. We could break the chains, with truth, but our prides stands in the way.

We gasp and shake our heads when we hear of child sacrifices through Satanic Ritual Abuse and other evil cults, yet we lay our children on the altar of sexual perversion, and allow their spirits to be ‘slaughtered’ by abuse and violence. When someone points it out, we frown, and look bewildered. “Not in our world… we’re Christians… no one would do that.” We assume that somehow we are beyond such things…. More holy and righteous than that.

Little do we realize that, through silence and denial, we’ve set our children up for potentially disastrous and traumatic lives. And we wonder why many rebel and others turn their backs entirely on God, faith and family.

….To Be Continued….

© Trudy Metzger 2012

Return to 1st post in Sexual Abuse Series