Transitions and change to my work as a trauma survivor advocate

June 29, 2022June 29, 2022Splsh4Ripls

In the past few years, the focus of my work with Generations Unleashed has shifted quite dramatically, though it is still very survivor-support oriented. It began with the car crash in 2019 limiting my ability to carry on with seminars as I had been, and then Covid hit. Since that time, I have continued to support survivors online, as well as supporting others — pastors, friends etc — as they walk with survivors. But another shift began soon after the crash. I had long told Tim that one of my goals (on top of returning to doing training seminars) is to be available for victims pressing charges, and for law enforcement, lawyers, DA’s and the victim’s legal teams. I didn’t make this known publicly. By 2020-2021 the requests came in, asking if I would consider being an expert witness in several sexual assault cases, should they choose to call me.

To date, any role as witness has been with evidence to offer. While I offer expert testimony based on my experience and education, I have not negotiated a role as a paid expert witness for a variety of reasons. Since early 2020, all my work has been pro bono, and I completely stopped drawing a wage from Generations Unleashed. I do not wish it ever to be said that we do what we do for the money. It never has been the case. It never will be the case.

I have been considered an advocate in the world of survivors – a title I did not choose but have done my best to fulfill — and continue to do what I can to support survivors. Advocacy, as it is commonly held, is not an identity I choose or carry, but I will continue to support survivors of trauma in any way possible. My heart is to make a positive impact in all areas of supporting survivors and, as always, I am focused on truth, justice and the wellbeing of those who have been seriously harmed.

My work continues to be empowered by my faith in God, even while much of the practical work on this front is not ‘religious’. I believe, without question, that God has called me to continue to expose the injustices and spiritual wickedness in high places, in church. (I recognize it exists in non-religious affiliations and organizations too. That is not my calling). Part of my calling is supporting some of the court cases taking place. I was free to decline the invitation and be subpoenaed in one of two of the cases. I chose willingly to enter the fray, knowing it will cost me significantly to do so. I am encouraged to see cases that were ‘dismissed’ (as a result of LE trying to appease ‘church’ and/or b/c ‘good men’ came forward on behalf of offenders) being revived and unrepentant offenders tried for their crimes. Offenders who lie and cover up are, among all offenders, most dangerous. I unapologetically support the prosecution process and offer my service.

This work is much less public than the past, as I am often not free to speak about details. Rumours trickle out. People reach out and ask questions. But often there is little I am free to say. This is not due to lack of transparency, but rather to give cases their due process.

As I continue to do what God has called me to do, I ask for your ongoing prayers and support through this season. I wish to honour God with my life. I pray for a thick skin and a tender heart in the face of criticism, and the humility to own my failures when I make mistakes. I welcome you to reach out with thoughts, questions or concerns.

My goal is to be transparent, always, with those who walk beside me. I know for some the fact that I am giving myself and my time to legal processes may be a stumbling block. You may no longer be willing to partner in prayer and encouragement. I accept that as the cost for what I must do, though I do regret any confusion or hurt it may cause. Especially to survivors of trauma.

The nature of this present work is also such that most months we receive less than $20 in donations. As a result, Tim and I have largely been funding the costs of carrying Generations Unleashed out of pocket, the past few years. I understand that some will not be comfortable donating, knowing funds will go toward my work supporting survivors in legal proceedings. I am choosing to be transparent so that you are free to make that choice, with no manipulation or without feeling in hindsight that your giving was not used where your heart and faith are invested.

If you are willing to support this work with a one time donation, or with a monthly donation, knowing what I have shared, we would appreciate your support. Donations can be made at: http://www.generationsunleashed.com/donate on the donations page.

Your prayers are always appreciated. I will be called to testify (as a witness, not as a paid expert witness) several times across the USA in the next few weeks, if all goes as scheduled. I would especially appreciate your prayers in this. It is emotionally exhausting work, and hours of testimony remains exhausting with ongoing post-concussion-syndrome as the result of my 2019 accident. I still very much limit the amount of work I do as a result of this, but feel compelled to give what I am able on this front. I trust God to meet my needs on every front.

Thank you for walking with me… with us.

As always…

Love,

~ T ~

© Trudy Metzger 2022

Car crash, close calls & the fragility of life

August 4, 2019July 7, 2021Splsh4Ripls

This year, like few others, have reminded me how fragile life is… how each day is a gift. How each moment is but one breath away from our last. That sounds morbid, in a way, but it is not morbid to me. It is grace.

February 3 I landed in emerge a second time in 2019 with heart issues. February 19 an echo-stress test revealed nothing. March 10 I was hospitalized. March 12 an angioplasty revealed a minor heart attack and Spontaneous Coronary Artery Dissection (SCAD), believed to be caused by medication. April 13 I was in a minor car crash. April 22 my doctor’s office called to say they saw a spot on my pancreas when they did a CT of my chest to check my heart. June 12 an MRI showed the spot was gone.

And then…

On August 1 I set out for Ohio to attend a conference the next day. My GPS said I would arrive in Millersburg around 9:45pm. About 20 minutes from the border, traffic came to an abrupt halt. I hit my brakes and came to a stop. I leaned my head back, and let out a big sigh.

Seconds later, the sound of metal crunching, followed by an explosion of airbags in my car – all but the passenger dash airbag… and then more metal. It all happened in split seconds. I don’t know if I passed out, or if it was shock that shut down my mind, but a moment later I saw ‘smoke’ and smelled this awful stench. I reached for the door handle, which I could not see under the airbag, and crawled out under it onto a busy four-lane highway. Barefoot. I reached back under the airbag and felt for my trusted Birkenstocks. I realized then that I had lost my glasses in the crash. I felt around the floor, and found what was left of the frame. They had shattered. My left arm stung.

A police officer was nor far behind us, and was already on scene by the time I approached the vehicle that hit me. He stopped traffic and sent us to the shoulder.

I called Tim. That’s the hardest part, I think, calling him AGAIN to say some horrible thing has happened. He has seen me through several near-death encounters, and to tell him the driver hit me (according to him) doing over 100kms an hour and the car is totalled, is not fun. I keenly felt the fact my life was in danger. Tim said he would come immediately to pick me up.

Not moments later three tow trucks arrived and removed our vehicles. The police report was done, and the tow truck driver dropped me off at Walmart. I stuffed my suitcase and belongings in a grocery cart – feeling like a true Walmart shopper – and started looking at glasses frames to pass the time.

Tim arrived and offered to take me back to the car to get the rest of our personal belongings and plates, since the write-off is inevitable, and the items have to be removed. I declined, even though it was the most practical thing to do. I wasn’t ready to see the inside of that car again.

We returned the following evening.

There is something overwhelming about seeing the inside of a vehicle, ripped apart in a split second. Bags, deployed everywhere. Debris strewn inside. Threads. Torn seats. Shattered sunglasses. Sunglasses that were on my face when the crash happened.

For a moment that mess and those airbags looked like the enemy. I felt all manner of emotions. They destroyed my car. The best car I ever had…

I thought about it then… Maybe that’s not so unlike how people feel about me exposing sexual abuse. The airbags destroyed the inside of my vehicle but, in reality, they may well have saved my life, or at the very least, saved me from more serious injury. Given that I was jarred back when I was rear-ended, then hurled forward when my car rammed the car in front of me, I should be in much worse shape. Yet, I am here, alive, with pain and stiffness in various joints, neck and shoulders, a few bruises and an 1/8th inch scrape. Not painless, but not dead.

Exposing sexual abuse is like the airbags. The purpose of exposing is to save lives. But the process of exposing is messy and feels like destruction and looks much like ‘the enemy’.

Hopefully it will save many children the horror of being sexually assaulted, and save many families the trauma of broken relationships, and spare spouses the secondary trauma of watching their partner suffer.

For today, with the freshness of the shock of the recent exposure, many are not ready to give thanks for the exposure of sexual abuse. For today, criticizing the telling of these truths is not surprising. But hopefully one day people will look back at this exposure and thank God for the airbags that have saved lives and changed the course of history, for at least a few children. I pray so.

***

I’m nearing 50. This is the big year. And I sure know how to celebrate big milestones, having had one of the most eventful years of my life. I have lived passionately, and continue to.

It’s been over 21 years since my first near-death encounter, and almost 13 years since the first heart attack that almost took my life. I made a commitment after that heart attack that I would do what God calls me to do. And do so ‘fearlessly’ – which does not mean without fear, but rather facing fears head on and doing what is right, no matter the cost. I do not regret that commitment.

This weekend, in the aftermath of the accident… with mild headaches on Saturday and mild stiffness… and processing the numerous crises these past few months, I commit, again to do what God calls me to do, going forward. As fearlessly as before.

And… then there’s the practical every day stuff. Like shopping for vehicles ‘before their time’. The premature end of a vehicle is inconvenient. And shopping for a replacement is a small thing, in the grand scheme of things. But a necessary one….

In the inconvenience I continue to believe that God works all things out for good. That includes heart attacks, health crises, and car crashes. Everything. And exposure of sex crimes, especially.

Nothing but death can kill me. While I am alive, I will live. And live as though each day is my last with concern only for what God requires.

As always…

With love,
~ T ~

***

If you are able to contribute to Generations Unleashed and our work with and for victims, you may donate via PayPal or e-transfer to info@generationsunleashed.com. Or visit Generations Unleashed Donate. In light of Generations Unleashed’s vehicle being totalled in a crash on August 1, 2019, and insurance not covering the full replacement, your contributions are especially needed and appreciated.

THE GATHERING
(for survivors of Sexual Abuse in Anabaptist communities)
NOVEMBER 2, 2019
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