“I’m Not Really Into… Trudy” (Inspirations From an Anti-Fan)

canstockphoto12324966To my friend who shared the story with me that inspired this post… Thank you. It’s not the first ‘anti-fan’ story I have, but it’s the first one that inspired me to write about it.

“I asked her if she has read your blog,” my friend said of someone she spoke with, who has a ‘story’ of her own, about abuse, “and told her she would probably identify.”

She went on to say that the other person had admitted she had read my blog, but had added, “I’m not really into Trudy…”

“I wasn’t asking her if she’s ‘into you’,” my friend said. “I don’t want her to be ‘into’ you. I want her to read your blog because I think it would help her!”

We laughed, and talked about it for a while. We all have people who we’re ‘into’, people who communicate in a way that resonates with us. And I am especially aware that I am too forthright for many, too honest about the darkness for even more, and a bit ‘edgy’ for others. I’m good with that.

And that’s without even considering that the topic I address is taboo in Christian circles. There’s not that many Christians–though there are a few–who will jump up and down and say, “this is wonderful! How can I help?” So when I hear of an anti-fan, I ‘take one of the team’, and keep working for the greater good of the people.

At the end of the day I pray that even those of you who are ‘into’ me, will look through me, and see Jesus, not to me, to be anything for you that only God can be. It is easy to idolize the people we look up to, either because they seem so flawless that they give us false hope that we will one day be like them, or because they are so transparent, yet sincere in their walk with God, that they do not hide their flaws, and thereby they give us courage to be real. (These are the leaders, the people, I am more drawn to and more ‘into’.)

I understand that, for a time, when I work with people they tend to draw a bit of strength and comfort from me. I get that. That is not a bad thing, unless I don’t have the integrity to point them to God. I’ve been in a place of need when I was completely broken and needed someone to be ‘Jesus with a skin on’ for me, back when I was working through my own story. I went to people for guidance, maybe more than I should have, but it was a season. The leaders I did this to had the wisdom to be there, while still pointing me back to the heart of God, and leading me back to Jesus, who gives everlasting life so that the thirst in my heart could be filled without me constantly running dry.

That is my goal when I meet with people who are struggling. I listen. I walk through the pain. I speak hope over them. And always, if they are willing, I go back to the Word of God, and show them who they really are in God’s eyes, teaching their true identity. Because I know that if they can grasp that they are shaped by life but defined by Love, and if they can grasp their true identity, rooted deeply in the image of God, then they will know true freedom.

When my heart is at rest with who I am–when your heart is at rest with who you are–and we are restored in identity and relationship with God, through Jesus, to be who we are, then we are free. Free to be all that God has created us to be. Free to be confident in what He has called us to be and do. Free to have unbroken relationship with Him, even when we are imperfect and human.

So whether you are ‘into’ me or not, I encourage you to look past my perfections and my imperfections, and look to Jesus Christ to be your ‘all’. When I give you the answers to a struggle, question or life situation, accept it as a gift from God. When I fail, and I say something that you don’t like, something you don’t agree with, look past me and let Jesus be your ‘all’.

It is Jesus whom I uphold, unapologetically, as the reason for my hope. It is His life and love that keep my spirit breathing when all is not right in my world. If I have pointed you to Him, then I have done well. You, in turn, are then equipped to lead others to His heart for healing, to find themselves, and be free.

I’m not really into a lot of people… unless they are really into Jesus, and know how to direct me to His heart. Because I’m really into Him. A lot.

© Trudy Metzger

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