Here I am
Begging for certainty again
But simple trust
Is what you’re asking me to give
I’ll reach for your hand in the night
When the shadows swallow the light
‘Cause I’m giving up, giving in
Once again a childlike faith
Is my only way
To see in the dark
~ Jason Gray ~
In the past few days, or week, since having conversations with S on some of these things, he may well have taken action on things I challenged him on. One of those things was that, up until that time he had not even checked up on D’s victim. If he has done so since, I am glad so long as it was for her sake and not any other reason. I cannot speak for him on that. I have concerns about some comments he has made that showed shocking disregard for her wellbeing.
I communicated with S regarding D, asking him why he doesn’t warn people – in particular for the sake of vulnerable individuals attending events. The attack is relatively current and not resolved in the courts, and D is still messaging and targeting vulnerable women. His behaviour is consistent with predator behaviour, thus making him a current risk. However, S maintains he is not responsible to inform, and takes D’s word over that of the victim, whose story he has never heard (I have heard both) – and insists people misunderstand D’s heart, and that I don’t know the truth. (As stated earlier, there is always more story that is easily revealed, but what has been revealed is extremely incriminating.
S further states that LOP seminars are not for victims – which I understand to mean not specific to victims. To my question about warning the public, he argued that all are welcome and if D was told no to come he’d be the only person not welcomed to attend. And if he wants to pay for people to attend, that’s his business and S has no control over that.
In my view it is about protecting victims, and letting them decide whether they want to attend an event where someone will be present who has recently sexually assaulted a young woman, or be sponsored by that person. Some will choose to attend events where known predators are present, but many, if not most, will decline. And not all parents will want to fund attendance if they are concerned their sons and daughters are at risk. But in either case, the assault is current – in the second half of 2017 – and it should not be kept quiet. And, because the assault is current, I reiterate, he remains high risk. That risk is increased by his ‘can’t remember’ approach to responding to the allegations of things he has done. This indicates he is either in complete denial making him among extreme of high-risk predators, or he has victimized so many that he chooses that line because he’s done it to so many, also making him among exceptionally high risk predators. The individual who is not in denial easily remember his/her crimes. And the repentant one most certainly does. I do not profess to know which of those two things are the truth about D. In either case, he remains high risk and attendees need to know in advance that they will not be informed of such current predators.
I understand that those who have offended need to get help and healing as well, and personally work with them. When my clients share that they struggle with temptation, I look them in the eye and tell them that I care about them, and then I add, “If ever you give in, I will report you to the law.” And I give practical advice on how to manage such temptation, not the least of which is recommending a licensed counsellor who works with this. They are keenly aware of my boundary, and have thanked me for it.
But, that all said, it is unfair to individuals like D’s victim and others who are vulnerable, to see him all “spiritual-daddy” like and trust him, only to be sexually assaulted as one victim was, or spoken to in sexually inappropriate ways, leaving them. Furthermore as long as he deceives those who are trying to help him, or in any way puts blame on the victim, he is not safe. That goes without saying. There’s not great science or profound study that teaches this; it’s common sense. And when someone who has sexually assaulted continues with that type of behaviour, the place they should go for help should be a very different place than a venue where the masses flock for healing.
When I asked S about the way D throws money at people while disregarding some of his own family’s needs – S’s response was that D is can’t say no to pleas for financial help, and asked what he’s supposed to tell him to do. To his credit, S has not seen the messages forwarded to me by the women, of D offering them money versus them asking for it. Of course, it does sound a lot less ‘predator motivated’ if it is ‘responding to pleas of money’. And since S has not, to my knowledge, read even one of those messages and I have read many, I can understand him falling for that line. … Sort of…
The reality is, I take this part of my ministry seriously. We (women) are repeatedly told that we are too emotional to handle things ‘wisely’ regarding the topic of sexual abuse. To that, I respond with this: Someone has to protect the vulnerable. And if men of God feel no sense of duty to protect the vulnerable from predators – whether male and female – it falls to us. If you will not speak out and protect us from breast-groping, buttock-grabbing, crotch-feeling predators, then who will?
And the answer is, I will. I will do my part. It may not be much, but it is something.
I have no interest in taking down LOP or S. I am, however, boldly committed to warning people that men like D, with current sex crimes and men who brazenly pursue hurting women – therefore known predators, but whom S does not acknowledge as predators – have been (and based on responses from S.) continue to be free to roam without anyone assigned to ensure the safety of other attendees. And with no warning to these attendees.
Guard yourself. Guard your youth. If you care about their innocence, be aware when they start calling other men ‘Daddy D’, or are being funded by men who display predator-like behaviour. If they are young and attend LOP, attend with them. Whether you are male or female, young or old, if you see the predator-type-individuals doing their thing, be bold and speak up. Do not give these individuals access to the women and children you love. It is your duty to rise up.
…To be continued…
“Open your mouth for those who cannot speak, for the rights of all who are destitute.”
~ T ~