One of the advantages to letting another individual into our stories, is fresh perspective. Being victimized opens the door to countless lies; This is all I have to offer… I am dirty/disgusting/ugly… My body is gross… It was my fault… And the list goes on.
To let the right person into that head-space, is to create the potential for truth to take those lies hostage, and set us free from their grip. One solid voice that will not surrender to the lies, but will gently and persistently speak truth, with gentleness and compassion, is all it takes for a life to begin to heal and go through radical transformation. Two is even better, or three, four and more.
Several pitfalls come with this, however, if we are not careful. We can become emotional ‘mooches’, where all we do is run around drawing from people out of our neediness. If the ‘healthy voices’ that speak into our lives–whether counselors, mentors or some other cheerleader–are wise voices, they will affirm, but not allow themselves to be drained, or become an end to a ‘feel good’ rush for us.
And, in the realm of Christianity, inviting God in as the source makes the biggest difference, so that He fills and builds up, rather than our energy sources being the ‘well’ from which people draw.
If the voices are themselves ‘needy’, it is the perfect set-up for co-dependence and unhealthy relationship. One is very needy, and the other gets mileage out of being the ‘saviour’ and filling that emotional need, which is dysfunctional and unhealthy. (The Christian Co-dependence Recovery Workbook has been highly recommended by a client, whose life changed dramatically after going through the book.)
But there is another risk associated with inviting other people into our stories…. There is the risk that they will not understand, that they will blame us, and make things worse, rather than better.
So, while a fresh perspective can be the best thing in the world, to avoid setbacks it is good to be intentional about whom we invite to be the predominant voices in our lives. They need to be people who believe in healing and hope; in living a full life even after abuse. People who acknowledge our story, dare to walk through our pain, and always, always lift our eyes from ourselves and our ‘stuff’ to something greater; Someone greater. Because every one of us needs to feel purpose and hope beyond ourselves; beyond our circumstances.
~ T ~