This week our friends in Hillsboro, Missouri encountered a bit of a kerfluffle, when a transgender boy decided a ‘gender neutral’ bathroom was too ‘segregating’ for him, when there was a girls’ bathroom to be accessed. It used to be that boys had penises–well, only one each–and girls had vaginas, usually to the same ratio… among other parts that are distinctly different. And, back then, if it looked like a penis and acted like a penis, by golly, it was declared a penis! And the bearer of it, a boy! But times are changing… (Click here to visit link)
So, jumping into this hot topic, let me start by saying that I have a lot of compassion for kids and adults alike, who struggle with gender identity. It is a real crisis, world over, it seems. There is, however, a quantum leap between genuine and humble struggle and the likes of what we see in individuals making unreasonable and self-centered demands of everyone around them. None-the-less, no matter the story, these individuals need compassion, love and guidance, not hate and bullying.
It stand to reason then, that letting one person bully hundreds, is ignorance at it’s maximum, as it pertains to bullying. Crying ‘what about my human rights’ while disregarding the human rights of others, not to mention rights that have been as old as the country itself, is a bit mixed up. And to have presumably reasonable adults siding with that demand has crossed a line from helping a teen work through gender identity issues, to catering to someone demanding attention. It’s got nothing to do with gender identity. At all. That’s not intended to negate the struggle, but to say it has derailed the child to some warped entitlement tantrum.
Most people with gender identity struggles and confusion don’t ever get this radical, selfish and offensive. Fortunately. But the few who do have the media tripping all over themselves to push an agenda. News flash: it’s not about hate. It’s not about bigotry. It’s about common sense. Most of us, as young girls, would have gone into near panic attacks at having a penis in the room while changing.
It’s. Just. Plain. Awkward.
But that leads me to thinking about a solution… And I wondered if it would help Lila adjust, to share the bathroom with a few of us ‘older girls’ who wouldn’t be nearly as threatened or intimidated, having given birth multiple times… heck, we’ve had an entire circus of people parade through the room in the process of that vulnerable exposure (while we smiled, and waved like the emperor who had no clothes… except we knew we had none, and we didn’t wave, other than the random desperate flailing about… and we surely didn’t care that we were naked!) … Maybe a little time with enough of us would be a bit of deterrent for wanting to hang out in the girls bathroom. Cuz some of us get kind of crazy comfortable in our skin–such as it is after housing a bunch of babies… and we’d probably strike up a conversation in our birthday suits without a second thought,
… Just a thought that flitted through my mind, as I contemplated how to help…
And that’s not a ‘diss’ on us ‘moms of many’, with roadmaps on our tummies, and ‘rolling landscapes’ of hills and valleys to complete… it’s a compliment. We’re a brave lot, to be honest. And our confidence comes from within, not from the perfect pre-baby body, nor the scarred and beautiful post-baby body. Til that many people have touched and looked and… well, whatever they all do down there in the process of birthing, there’s just not much shame left… And til we get all our parts rolled up into place, and have ourselves tucked in our clothes and in place in a bathroom or changeroom–all while chattering enthusiastically about any other thing; probably swapping birth horror stories–I don’t know that Lila would want to be in a girls bathrooms ever again. Guaranteed it wouldn’t leave us scarred, like those dear young girls with innocence to protect. (Lila, on the other hand, may need psychotherapy.)
So maybe we old mama’s need to organize a bathroom tour, supporting young and innocent girls who deserve privacy…and organize the ‘Feisty Mamas Flash Mob’. (Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?) In particular, I recommend recruiting those who have worked in nursing homes and have seen more tops and bottoms than enough, and are generally unintimidated by a few naked penises out of place.
But no matter the madness of it all, society-at-large wears the dunce hat in a case like this, not one teenager who displays the entitlement mentality, and exemplifies behaviours promoted and endorsed by a host of self-centered people all around. Particularly the media. It seems the height of ignorance, when viewed through reason and sensibilities, but maybe those are at a premium these days.
And Lila needs someone to be there with enough love to say, “Listen sweetie, life isn’t like that… you’re not going to last long with that mentality in the ‘real world’.” … if the ‘real world’ even exists any more. And it’s not really fair to expect reasonable responses from teens, when the world around, with age and ‘maturity’ to its advantage–is at a deficit in these departments. Because certainly it isn’t an added dose of common sense that calls 200+ girls bullies, for wanting to protect their modesty and innocence… or simply shyness and reserve, if their innocence is already gone.
Seriously! Does no one else remember how vulnerable those teen puberty transitions were? From skinny, shapeless and flat to “what are those things?!” and privates developing in places that scared the willies out of us? I’d be constipated for life and with a wrecked bladder had I been forced to ‘go’ with a penis in the room. I’ve not been a boy, so I can’t speak for how they would react to such an intrusion…
Not to mention that it stands to reason, with statistics being 1 in 4, that some of those girls are victims of molestation and abuse… But no one seems concerned about how these girls feel about the presence of a penis in the room… or what trauma this may cause, with or without past sexual violations.
Here again, a group of middle-aged women who have raised boys would maybe be less intimidated, if not entirely oblivious… especially those of us who have worked in nursing homes, or other facilities where we’ve seen many, many, penises. But even some of us, who have been violated by someone with a penis, would suffer flashbacks and trauma.
And, alas, if the girls decided they would give in and accept such a thing and welcome Lila, penis and all… And should they happen to stare shamelessly, no doubt there would be another outcry of bullying. It really is impossible to win with reason, against the ever-changing demands of ignorance.
Meanwhile, in other news–albeit no more seasoned with common sense–Dr. Charlotte Resnick, on the opposite end of that ignorance-meter, is busy declaring it inappropriate for parents to kiss their babies/children on the lips. Okay…. back up here… How the Sam scratch is that sexual? And, let me get this straight… It’s okay for a teenage male–regardless of perceived, claimed or whatever, sexual orientation–to traumatize girls in a bathroom and it’s not a sexual issue, but parents planting a peck on babies lips is sexual? (Click here for link)
Warped isn’t even close…
I don’t consider myself the brightest light on the dashboard, but bright enough to see that something isn’t right with this picture. Humans with penises crying to get in the girls’ bathroom is now normal and healthy, and mamas kissing their babies, or daddies, that’s now perverted? French kissing, I agree but that’s another thing entirely. This general ignorance (aka enlightenment) frustrates me, at moments, when it’s nothing more than selfishness and a lack of common sense making demands, and some agenda at work….
And then I sit here, having expressed my frustration, and ask the questions… In spite of the ignorance, and my humanity in response to it, what is the Jesus thing to do? Accept it? I think not. Be silent? Where has that gotten us?
Maybe the better question would be, “What is the compassionate thing?” Because the compassionate thing–the truly, meaningful compassionate thing–is often closely connected to the Jesus thing. And that brings me back to the reality that Lila doesn’t need a flash mob. Lila needs someone who loves enough to teach consideration for other people. Because guaranteed, that entitlement spills into many areas of life. To confront it is the compassionate thing to do, and to listen with love, but not supporting or endorsing that behaviour. For without that confrontion, Lila will be a very, very lonely person… eventually.
Taking a stand and speaking truth, presenting Jesus as the Hope in the darkness; that is the loving thing to do. Not well received, often, but loving. And if I have to go to bat, I go to bat for truth, not against anyone, nor for anything, other than truth. Because truth doesn’t change even when the chaos all around spins out of control. Truth stands still and doesn’t budge.
And real truth loves the unlovable past all the ugly of life. Because God is love, God is Truth, and God loves Lila, and Charlotte, and the whole lot of us enough to die for the ugliest part of how we behave and who we are in our selfishness and humanity.
~ T ~