… we’ve all been there… we’ve all done it… living life peeking over our shoulder–figuratively speaking–nervously waiting for something to crash, fearing the truth will be revealed, lies exposed… constantly on the verge of drama… wondering, what if someone discovers who I really am? What if…
….The fear of the truth backing us into a corner and leaving us stripped haunts us.
Like most of you, I have done this. As I think about it now I wonder–What was I thinking? Why was I so afraid of the truth that I lived a lie–a life of pretences? What if it didn’t have to be like that? What if our most terrifying secrets didn’t have to hold us captive? What if a life of ‘no lies, no fear, no pretense’ was a safe option?
Not long ago I had an encounter that, like a breath of fresh air on a muggy day, reminded me about the wonder and beauty of honest living. I was about to enter the auditorium at an event when I heard footsteps and a young friend approached me, practically running. As she got closer I realized she was on the verge of tears. “I have to tell you something. There’s something I’ve done and I have to confess it!” I held Sonja and comforted her as she wept and spilled the story of the two days leading up to the confession. When she had ‘told all’ we spoke at length about what she was feeling, what she wanted to do about it, and what she felt would make the situation right again. The most difficult part for her was feeling like she had disappointed a God she loves. One prayer later it was all over, forgiven.
King David says it well when he says (in my own words) ‘I will live with integrity in my own house.’ Sonja showed me what this verse means. What she shared with me could have been her own little secret. No one would have needed to know.
There is beauty in raw integrity: I am what I say I am, no pretense. I do what I say I will do, no misleading. I speak truth and embrace it.
I have learned to trust Sonja over the past few years, not because she makes no mistakes but because she is humble and I never wonder if there’s another side to her. I see her strengths and her weakness and somehow they make her a beautiful, believable and well-rounded woman.
I love your blog….the honestly just jumps off the page! We all need to be “real” and expose our strengths and weaknesses….why does it take so long to come to this truth about ourselves…and accept ourselves …yet it is so freeing in the end.